Questions About How To Fix Your Marriage Without Talking About It

how to fix sex problem with your husband without hurting or fighting?

me and my husband are in a happy relation except for sex. We have been married 10 months now, we dated like a year b4. We started having sex after marriage, and i found out that my husband has very less interest in it. We both are virgins and we have not got the technique right yet, and we try probably 2-3 times a month. I have tried talking to him about this but he takes it very offensive and we end up fighting. And most of the time he tries only after i talk about it. I have never forced him, given him as much time he needs. Now Am kind of losing interest in it now. Lately i have noticed him trying to put an effort to fix the problem but i feel he is doing it out of pity. Having sex should not be like some “big work to do” right?? What do i do? i love him a lot but i don’t want lose passion between us. How do i fix this without hurting his feelings?

Is this marriage really over or it there a chance?

My husband and I have been married for 6 years and this is a second marriage for both of us. We have been having major problems for the last 5 months or so though he will say it‘s been going on much longer. The problem is that I was the selfish one, dealing with problems and bipolar disorder. There were many times where I would seclude myslef from him and our 3 children. I would say mean and hurtful things to him to get my point across. I did a LOT of wrong. In the recent 5 months, I have given my all to change for the better and believe that I have made some great strides towards achieving this goal. I am a better mom now than I probably ever have been and spend a lot of time enjoying the company of my children. I have been kinder and most patient with him and have stopped the mean comments entirely.
He, on the other hand, goes back and forth about whether or not it is over. He told me it was a couple months ago but due to financial constraints, we were unable to physically seperate. He changed all his passwords on his computer and put a lock on his cell phone text messages. He started leaving for the night almost every night and was seeing another girl. Though he insisted that he never slept with her, I have my doubts because one of our kids saw him kiss this other girl. All we ever did was fight and he NEVER wanted to talk with me about how to fix the marriage.
A few days before Christmas, he suddenly changed. He started being decent to me again. When I asked him what was going on, he would only say “don’t look a gift horse in the mouth.” He said that he wanted to see if we could get along first and then see what happens from there. He broke things off with the other girl (though she still texts him from time to time.) He still doesn’t want to talk about trying to work together to fix it but insists that if it‘s going to work out, it will happen all on it‘s own. He says that the feelings he had toward me had gotten so negative that he doesn’t know if they will ever get back to a place where he can love me again but when I can actually go a while without trying to talk about “us”, they do improve slightly.
I still love him despite all this. I get angry from time to time and try to convince myself of ways that it would be better to just give up and be on my own. Those reasons never last any longer than the mad does though. When he is gone, I think I will be ok without him but as soon as he’s around, I just want to fall back in his arms again and have everything be ok. Our oldest daughter, all of 10 and technically mine from my first marriage, has sat down with both of us to tell us that we aren’t doing enough to keep the family together and that we promised her a family. He says all the time that he wants me to stop “pushing” for more than he is ready to give me but I find it really hard to do that when he’s keeping so many secrets about what he is doing and where he is.
I want nothing more in the world than to fix this marriage and be happy together again. He was a wonderful man, everything I wanted on the laundry list after I got divorced. I spoiled it and I know he is afraid to open up to me again because he thinks I will do the same things I did to hurt him before. I have learned from my mistakes and am trying desperatly to be better, for me, the kids and for him. I’m so lost right now adn just don’t know what to do. Please offer your advice.

What are your thoughts on breaking up w/ someone & getting back together, will it work or is it prone to fail?

Me and my live in bf of 2 1/2 yrs broke up for about a month and got back together. I moved to a different city during the split. I went to college in the town, graduated and lived there cus i lived with him and had a job there. when we split i moved cus i didnt have friends or family there, just him.
Once we started taking we figured out why we split: our place to small, money stress, his parents putting him in the middle of a divorce, his mom trying to split us up becuse she needed him to go out to their ranch and work it cus his dad was gone due to the divorce, she tried to get him t move back in with her to help her out even though we had a lease and lived together work stress from jobs we both dispised, his depression about his police related injury (he had to become a desk cop cus a dude kicked his knee cap off), his constatnt severe pain, you name it…all kinds of crap we took out on each other.

we got back together and have decided when the lease is up in the way to tiny place, that i will move back up there and we will get a house. Im will have a few pals from my childhood moving up there so ill have someone other then him up there. He just had knee replacement so his work stress will be gone, his pain will be gone…we just resolved tons of issues. We both understand where our bad negitive personal issues resulted from and now we see counselors to help us deal with our own issues instead of taking them out on each other. our communication is better then it ever was.

The break up showed each of us that our lives are not complete without the other and we now see how much we meant to each other. we talk everyday, visit and like i said plan on moving back together in 6th months. we now have even started talking marriage and future plans.

everyone keeps saying it will never work, since we broke up once, its only time before it happens again. and if you loved each other youd move back in right away. we know we cant go back to a one bedroom tiny apartment in a way to expensive part of town. Thats why we are getting a house somewhere else in 6th months. we havent had one single fight since solving our issues.

so what do you think, a break up can help you see what you did wrong and what they did wrong and help both of you identify the problems and fix it, leading to a realationship stronger then ever? or is everyone right, once broken, its unfixable.

about the house being to small…we both grew up on farms and ranches. when we got stressed we were used to being able to go piddle on stuff. Id go garden and release stress and he’d go out and shoot stuff. we were in a tiny apartment in the middle of the city with no balcony. when we got into fights or arguments, there was no getting away to cool off. Imagine not being able to just simple go off and cool down for a minute after a big fight?

marriage- what to do please help!

Okay I don’t know what to do. I have been married almost 4 years. I have a three year old and am currently pregnant now. But I am beginning to realize I’m not happy like I use to be. We did not really plan to get pregnant but it happened. At first I was fine with everything just learning to deal with it. Now I’ve realized that I can’t even talk to my husband without him tuning me out. The bond doesn’t seem to be there anymore either. But i’ve always had the point of view that I will make my marriage work because it‘s the right thing and for my kids. But he what I call cheated on me almost a year ago with my sister! Yes I did say my sister. Well we were all at my house I was lying down with my son trying to get him to sleep while he was outside with her. She started giving him a massage (nothing bad) but I got extremely jealous I told them I did not like them touching at all. So my husband and I went and laid down in the bed with my son to get him to sleep. I feel asleep, thought I heard him coughing but he didn’t come back for a while so i thought he was looking for cough med. so I did what I thought was best went to find the cough med. for him. And found them up against a wall with each other. I was told nothing happened they didn’t touch it was my imagination. Later to have my husband admit they were dancing. I swear they were kissing! No one will admit to that but i’m pretty sure what I saw but I was so upset at the time they made me believe I made the kissing part. I pretty much forgave them for everything and tried to move on now a year later I find that it still bothers me and I now have issues! The trust issues were there before the marriage but within time they got better now this is happen I can say I have forgave him but I can’t! I need help I don’t know what to do.

I had pretty much moved on with everything and just accepted this is how things were suppose to be. Then I got an email from an ex. No I wasn’t cheating or anything just out of the blue got an email saying how much he regretted messing things up and how he would do anything to get back with me. So I of course called him maybe I shouldn’t have but after talking to him it is making me realize some things I didn’t want to see! I’m not saying I want to be with this guy that’s not the case but after talking he said that I’m so stuck on making everyone else happy instead of myself. No the guy that emailed me doesn’t know any of this that had been going on. I don’t want to air my dirty laundry with him, no since in going there! But he just said you need to be sure this is what you want and your not doing it just because of the kids which is true. So then it opened my eyes and made me realize that’s what i’m doing.

I tried to talk to my husband last night about something my mom did to aggravated me and he just said okay that’s enough and went back to watching tv. It really upset me. I told him that’s why I married you. Your suppose to be my best friend and be there to listen to me and what I have to say. He apologized and I wouldn’t finish the story, but now it‘s got me thinking even more because I would never do that to him.

So now it‘s got me thinking even more this morning. I don’t know what to do or how to fix things. Any suggestions?
Yes I want it to work. I’m not just looking for an excuse if I was I would have left a year ago. I don’t think he will be up for counseling. He will down play the situation and turn it around on me. Thank you all for your answers I apperciate the quick responses anything at this point will help.
Maren – I could totally agree with you if that was truly the case. I said myself and I’ve admitted to him I do have issues still with it! I have said i’ve tried to put it behind me but I do still have the issues! He knows that and I know that! But that along with everything else is the problem. And I don’t consume him with problems that really aren’t problems all I am asking for is him to listen. And to be completely honest with you I do give him time. Just last weekend we went over to his cousins house he was able to drink hang out not have to worry about our 2 year old because I did all the work of watching him while he sat around and b/s with his friends and family. I think that’s alot to ask for and by the way we even stayed until 12 so that he could have his time! On top of all that we are going camping this weekend with the same people to do it all again. So How is it to much for me to ask for 10 min. of his time to listen to me? I don’t think that’s too much to ask!
Correction to last added detail my son is 3 i accidently typed 2
Mauren – you also put If you handle the rest of your marriage with that same level of maturity, I’m sorry, but I’d not only tune you out, I’d leave. – How can you same that’s being imature he apoligized but made it obvious he didn’t want to listen to the story so why bother his time with finishing it. When he really wouldn’t be listening anyway? He would just be waiting for me to finish to watch tv. My point in saying all of that is there are plenty of times he tells me pointless stories to but that’s what i’m there for TO LISTEN AND RESPECT HIM!

What do I do about my marriage?

Okay this is my second marriage I married my husband now a year after my first husband left it was way to fast but i felt obligated anyways Now hes always jealous no matter what his friend in the army is home for leave and hes the joker and says gross sexual stuff as a joke and my husband says stuff well today his friend said something sexual to me and he got very upset with me for it even though all i did was laugh this is not the first time he gets jealous about everything I have a best friend who is a guy and it makes him sooo mad I used to have a lot of male friends but not anymore and he doesn’t like some of my friends so now i don’t talk to them. I am getting so sick of being told I am cheating all the time and that i am stupid for forgiving friends. I cook, clean and do whatever he wants all the time. I wanted a $30 mp3 player and it took me 3 months to get it but he wanted an x-box 360 and guess what 2 weeks later he hasit. it makes me sooo made my kids are finally getting child support and right away he assumed he was going to fix is car windshield without of asking. I got a little upset told him that money was for my kids and now he throws it up in my face all the time. I quit my job cause I hated it I was soo depressed and didn’t have another one lined up well i get that thrown in my face too then I find a job i really want but its at night cause we didn’t have daycare lined up and he told me not to take it cause he didn’t want to be home alone at night and that i would be a B without any sleep. Anytime i want to do something he asks whos going to watch your kids cause I am not? but then other times hes like i help with them all the time. Hes so mean to them only occasionally does he play with them. My kids love him but all he does is play halo 3, watch tv and eat nothing else we hardly ever go out and do anything but he blames it on me and my kids. I told him lets go to the park and everything and we plan it but something always comes up and i mean him saying I don’t feel like it or yeah later then later turns into bed time for my kids. but anyways I am just sick of all of it I am not saying i am a wonderful wife to him all the time but he gets whatever he wants whenever he wants it. I have tried to end the marriage and he quilts me into staying says “Why do you have to ruin everything?” when we fight he always turns it around on me saying all i do is dog on him and tell him what hes doing wrong. But he makes fun of me cause I don’t like eating a lot of meat, or that i want to lose weight and stay in shape and even how i parent. I am just tired of it he says i need to lighten up and have fun with life but how can I when I just get negativity from him? sorry its sooo long but I am so sick of it!
What does grammar and spelling have anything to do with my question i don’t care if mispelled words its the internet get over it!!!!

and i am not scared of being alone I would LOVE to be alone but i am not a witch and like to hurt people did you not read the question?

From now on if your not going to answer about my question don’t respond at all cause i don’t really care what you have to say or about my spelling