Questions About How To Fix A Marriage When One Is Unhappy
October 18, 2011 
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James asks…
How do you fix a marriage when only one person is willing to work at it?
Ok my husband and I have been together for 11 years, married for two of them (high school sweet hearts). Lately things have been bad, we constantly argue, fight, etc. I work full time and go to school so it is hard to do everything (work, study, house chores, etc.). He says he understands however the next second he is yelling about why the dishes are not done. In addition he doesn’t touch me anymore. I always initiate sex and he blows me off. Also he refuses to actively talk about our issues mainly saying “I don’t know”. I don’t want a divorce however I am only 25 and feel that I am too young to be unhappy. What should I do?
admin answers:
Pray. Prayer is powerful to change hearts. Also, you could both go to a counselling session? Another idea: You could write him a letter being completely open about how you’re feeling, but in a loving way. Dont get angry or complaining in your letter. Just be open to him about how you’re hurt and feel unloved by him. Ask him to open up to you about how hes feeling and why he is doing these things. Also i want to let you know that there is always a solution to resolving marriage. There is always a way. Dont give up, and keep pressing on . All the best
Donna asks…
How do I fix my marriage?
For the past 2yrs now my husband & I have grown apart. I’ve been looking/receiving attention fr other men and have found it. I’ve never cheated on my hubby, although I have came close. I’ve been telling my husband what I nd fr. him and asking what he nds. However I feel as I’m the only one really giving. The only thing he has changed is that he calls me on his lunch. Don’t get me wrong, I’m greatful but I don’t think he is really trying. I.e.-I tell him I nd him to talk to me more, be my friend ya know, he in return started calling me on his lunch staying on the phone for a min or 2, and hardly saying a word. I think he looks @ it like ok I’ve called now you talk. I’ve been telling him for the past 4mo. we nd to go back to marriage counseling. He says we can go, but never does mention again. When we’re @ home we hardly say anything to one another. If our baby goes to sleep before he does, then I go down stairs and do laundry while he sits upstairs and watches tv. I think I’m still love him, but to be honest I don’t know. I think I sometimes stay for all the wrong reasons, but I don’t want my baby to grow up in a broken home. I did, and my parents made it hell. I feel so lonely, unhappy, and empty.
Please someone tell me how to fix it, b/c just me talking isn’t doing any good. I can’t leave my job is here and I don’t have any family here. Thanks, God Bless
admin answers:
You know, you are right. Talking isn’t going to help. In fact, it’s doing more harm than good. Now, if you really want to know how to fix this, here are some suggestions. You can take them or leave them, I just know that this works. First of all, you have got to leave all other men alone. Period. And don’t think that you can get away with this one, because you’re wrecking the structure of your marriage over this “innocent” stuff. Remember, any temptation IF NOT FED, will eventually dry up and die a natural death. Don’t lie to yourself. Your wrong here.
Next, how are you treating him. Don’t give a rat’s ash how he’s treating you. My question is, how are you treating him. Stay with me here. Are you treating him as special as when you first met him? Getting up in the morning WITH HIM, cooking breakfast, making coffee, have it ready when he gets up? Are you making sure that his clothes is clean and ready for when he goes to work? Stick with me now. I am not meaning to be a smarty pants. I am telling you this: If you will treat him like he’s the center of your universe for 1 (one) month, you can change this. Don’t go thinking, “But now I have a baby to take care of.” This is not the deal. Take care of that baby, sure. Every man needs to know that his babies are well taken care of. But, he married YOU. He did not give that all up just because you had a baby for crying out loud. Make sure the baby is well fed and bathed by like 6:00 P.M. Or so and TAKE TIME FOR YOUR RELATIONSHIP. He is your universe. Treat him that way. Make sure the home that he is working so hard to keep you in, looks like you care about it when he gets home. Make sure you look like you were looking forward to seeing him when he gets home. Make sure you are dressed and ready for him by like 8:30 P.M. Believe me, he WON’T be falling asleep on the couch very much if you would do this. Surprise him. And stick to it. And don’t expect anything from him in return. Keep quiet about it and give it a month. I guarantee great results.
David asks…
Don’t know how to fix my marriage anymore my husband always wants to leave?
I just need some good advice and someones prospective please.
My husband and i have had a very rocky path some of witch involved him having very bad anger problems. We hav serrated before and things have improved 100% to what they were otherwise i wouldn’t be with him. But things are still rocky sometimes he had a hard childhood and as a result has no understanding of what a normal happy good family should be like or how it works. He Solution is often just to walk out because its too hard..(he has never had to face his actions before and is use to walking away as his family does the same). Just last night i was unhappy about something he did nothing major but i needed a bit of time alone his dinner was on the table waiting for him and as he was their to watch the kids i said i was going for a shower as i did he tyred to give me a cuddle to witch i shrugged off. I didn’t feel like it as i was a bit ticked off, however i didn’t realise at the time what a big deal it was to him because he always puts up the tough guy act but it really upset him and mad him angry. Not long after this all hell broke loose im sure the neighbours could hear him yelling blocks away he was cursing and hit the table with a plastic bottle. And then packed his stuff and drove off..after i got the kids to bed i called him and he reluctantly said he would be home soon. Things still didn’t go will when he got home he ended up going to sleep when i was upset…he can be very selfish saying he has work in the morning but i have 2 kids to look after in the morning too and a big operation coming up then next day. Anyway i wrote him a letter letting him know that how he acted was not ok at all and that if he cant continue to control his anger that it is best he should leave. I also apologised for shrugging him off. He read it in the morning and didn’t say anything to me so i approached him before his work he said he didn’t want to be in a relationship anymore as its too hard and he is fed up. I asked him how he is fed ap and he couldn’t answer other than telling me it really upset him that i didn’t hug him. After talking to him for a lil while i told him how ridiculous it is to end a marriage what that is the worst of your complaints and he couldn’t come up with anything else. In the end he realised that it was stupid to walk out on his family just cuz its hard, we had a cuddle and he is coming home for lunch. He thanked me for having that talk with him and sent me a txt telling me he loves me and not to do the house work that he will (because now im not feeling well). The problem is i now feel a bit like its always about him even if he is the one who overreacts majorly im always the one doing to work to sort it out. He doesn’t like having to face the damage he does and im not sure he fully gets how much he hurts me. I try to be a good wife and do all i can bust i too make mistakes he has problems with dealing whit knowing im not happy with him even though i didnt yell or be nasty and im still their for him i know its hard but i have feelings too. He has never known his dad his mother never took care of him and he was raised by his grandmother and taught boys dont cry more or less and now is very shot off until it all comes flooding out. he was also taught to be cold. I didn’t realise a hug meant that much because sometimes he has the i don’t care and tough guy attitude. He is a great man in many ways and im so reluctant to give up because ei have seen how far he has come and wat an big effort he has mad for us so i do know he does love us and wants to be hear sometimes it just gets too much. Am i doing the wrong thing? what can i do? how can i help him? what should i do diffrently? What can i do to make he realise?
he needs to fix this for himself even if we are not together anymore…just got another i love you txt.
admin answers:
It sounds like you need to be more understanding of how he feels. It’s not okay that he gets so angry but it seems like he’s frustrated. You’re expecting him to not respond to your negativity but you’re responding to his full blown. Learn to communicate. When you’re angry and he comes to cuddle with you – realize that it’s a sign of affection and let it calm you rather than pushing him away. Guys don’t respond to that kind of stuff well at all. Learn to let go of things. Like, if my fiance did that, there’s no possible way I could be mad at him anymore. I’d just let it go and move on. Woman always feel the need to talk about things when sometimes it’s okay to just snuggle and forget.
Sharon asks…
will a separation work to fix my marriage?
My husband and I have been married for almost 2 years. we are young and don’t have kids. About a year ago we both made decisions to start new careers and go to school so in turn we moved out of our happy existence of an apartment and into a house living with his dad. I really hate is dad, and he knows it, but we cant really move out cause we don’t have the money and we don’t have anywhere else to go. A week ago my husband told me that he didn’t know if he loved me anymore and said that he didn’t know why. He did tell me that he is not happy anymore. He talks about when he used to be happy, which was when we lived on our own. Then yesterday, we really talk through things and he said that he loved me again. We went on a day trip to the city and had a lot of fun. When we got home he said that he had fun, but that night he was very pessimistic and said that he didn’t know if things were going to work out I think hes saying this because he is very depressed with life right now and cant seem to see the good in us at the moment. This is when we really started discussing what was wrong. He says that he loves me and wants things to work out, but doesn’t know if they will. He tells me how unhappy he is with life right now. he says that i didn’t change, just that he misses the way we used to be. Every since we’ve been living here things have gone south. I truly believe that getting a place together will fix things, but he doesn’t want to get a place and then have it not fix things. We have decided to try and separate for a little to see. We have decided that we are still going to see each other, just not live together for a little bit. When i was talking about this he seemed to get really positive and was saying that he thinks it will help A lot. Alot of the problem is he feels like he has to do things for me, such as, he loves giving massages, so he would give me one like every night, but he started feeling like he had to give them, and suddenly hated giving them and i never asked for them. When we lived together we had no issues at all, its almost like when we had out apartment, we really loved being with each other casue we worked as a team. Now it feels like we just live together. I was okay with that, but he justs wants the excitment and passion to be back. I want it to work out since i still love him and he still loves me Its just hard cause he seems so down about everything. I just wanna know everyones opinions on what they think i should do, or if they are in a similar situation. we are going to try and separate until we can afford and apartment, and then see if thats what he still wants.
admin answers:
Well my exp is that if you 2 are at the point that you want to separate then there is a major problem in the relationship and chances are things will not work out . I know it sounds cold and im sorry i feel for you but it seems to me that he isn’t all that in to the relationship anymore not that he loves you any less but he sounds bord . You haven’t done anything wrong and there isn’t anything wrong with you but you said you guys are young and trust me when us guys are younger we get bord of some relationships for no reason and sometimes it is just are brain telling us we have learned all we can here . I know i sound like a dick and im sorry i hope this makes some kind of sense to you if not e-mail me and ill try to explain myself better
Sandra asks…
how can i fix my marriage?
I feel like im either falling out of love or just already out of love with my husband. We’ve been through quite a bit together. Weve been together on and off for about 6 yrs and married coming up on 3.We have a 4 yr old.While i was pregnant with her he cheated on me. And im not sure if shes the reason i stay with him. Ive never been intimate with anybody but him and only had a few boyfriends before settling down. It seems like here lately we dont connect at all. He comes home from work and i realize he works hard but he also has a family that needs attention. He comes home from work usually in a bad mood, eats supper then goes to bed. So where’s our time? We fight over everything and he always makes me feel bad when i tell him to spend more time with his daughter because he says “well you think im a bad father” i just want him to help me with her. He was the one who had to have kids at a young age (19) i didnt..but i wouldnt have it any other way now. That little girl means the world to me. I think that i would be a better mom if i wasnt with him but im scared to leave him. i dont have a job, he took over my car, we live with my mom. I dont really want to be with him anymore. i dont look at him the same way as i used to. But i dont want him to be unhappy either. He says he “cant live with out me” we do the same thing everyday. I spend time with my daughter, clean the house, watch some tv, then he comes home eats and goes to bed. Even on the weekends we dont do anything. We dont spend any time as a family unless its watching tv. I need help please.
so is what you’re trying to say is that i need to respect my husband and to hell with being happy? i get it..cus guys have more say than women..gotcha
ok ANNABELLE miss know it all put the blame where ever you see fit. I DONT HAVE A JOB BECAUSE HE WANTS ME TO STAY HOME WITH OUR DAUGHTER. ITS NOT MY CHOICE TO STAY HOME. IVE TRIED TO GO LOOKING FOR A JOB AND HE SAYS HE DOESNT WANT ME TO. HE COMES FROM A FAMILY WHERE ITS NOT OK FOR THE WIFE TO WORK. but thanks for the punch to the face..like i wasnt depressed enough..but you dont care because your life is so perfect
no its not always someone elses fault..you’re EXACTLY like him..everything is always my fault..and im sick of it..why should i be the one to blame when he cant find his car keys? i dont drive..why is it my fault he missed his turn? maybe you two should get together so you can blame that on me too
admin answers:
It’s easy for people to give advice when they haven’t walked a mile in your shoes. Here’s a comment from someone who has been there and done that. I’ve been in a relationship like that for 16 years. Working or not…doesn’t matter. I’ve worked….been a stay at home mom….results were the same. He spent time with everyone else and when he was home he was so tired all he could do was sleep. I stayed for the kids. We disconnected and he became a serial cheater. It’s never good to stay for the kids. Love your kids….and don’t forget to love yourself too. Your life should always be about you. It doesn’t make you selfish. It makes you human. I remember having him come home in a bad mood. It was like a tornado ripped through the house. I tried to please him for many years. Finally, I realized that I’m not responsible for his behavior. I am only responsible for how I respond to his behavior. Make yourself happy. Love your kids by being respectful to their father even if its through divorce. Follow your heart. Find happiness. Don’t waste the number of years that I did. He finally decided he loved me. It’s sad because I fell out of love a long time ago. My heart left and my body continued to stay. No one should ever do that. Good luck!!! I hope you have a better outcome than I did.
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