serious question about trust in a marriage..?

ok me and my husband hav been married for 7yrs. we have been through a lot and both made mistakes in the past but now the only thing that comes between us is trust. we dont accuse each other (most of the time) but still it is a big problem for both of us. we do a pretty good job working through it (usually) but it still causes alot of problems we wouldnt hav if we could trust each other. any suggestions on how to get to the root of it and really learn to trust each other. like i said it is a problem for both of us and we have tried everything to fix it. i honestly dont know what else to do so could you guys plz help with some suggestions. (plz dont suggest marriage counsling we dont have that kind of money!) thanks

Husband kissed her to figure our marriage.?

Hi everyone,

So little story or maybe long? so a me and my hubby have been together for 6 years now. Married for 4! we have had a good relationship up until I would say 2 years ago. Well he had been friends with this couples we know for years and years now since Junior high school. So I met them through him we all became very close friends always hanging out. well about a year and a half ago my husband was out of town and I ended up playing strip poker with just me and this couple. It was stupid I know. I told my husband the very next day and he was devastated. So we tried to work on us after that and it still was a battle we married young and everything happened so fast with kids and life and we were losing each other. So our friends had a halloween party at there house and of course we went I ended up going home cause we live down the street he stayed. And him and the girl were out in the garage talking and in the middle of his sentence she seriously almost head butted him cause she came in so fast kissed him. He said he kissed back it was short and then a wtf came out. she went into the house and his other friend came outside were he then started to cry. Telling him what had just happend he was worried I would leave him and how could he do that to his best friend everything. so then he said that it kinda made him feel good to like someone hit on him and I didnt show him anything at home I never made him feel like a man and I had more fun with his friends then him. He didnt know how to fix our marriage cause we couldnt talk if we did I would just make it worst by always being negative about everything he had to say. So he said that he wanted to figure out if me and him should continue moving forward and he had a idea to kiss her again. Because she had already kissed him he used that as a reason. So he decided one night to do it and if he felt no remorse and that he would be ok with doing it then its not working for us and maybe he should be gone. so he asked our friend Do you have feelings for me? she said no. He says well how do you know? she said because I love my husband your wife and kids. And he then said so do I. I think that we should kiss so you know she then said you need to talk to your wife, He said talking isnt a option. So she said ok they kissed and both said it was short awkward started with tongue but hardley. when done he said nothing she said nothing and they couldnt even look at each other. He then called her a few days later apoligized said it was wrong all wrong that he loved me and didnt want to lose me and our kids our her husbands friendship. she agreed he told her it wasnt that I had feelings it was to figure out my marriage and you are someone I trust as a friend. and said that will never happen again. So then I guess this summer she told him I could kiss your right now but I am not going to. He told her good cause I dont want you to. that was all a mistake.

does that say alot for him I know this all seems weird in a way but he is really weird about communication his entire family is. And he is willing to do what it takes to make this right. And I know that men are differant in expressions so should i believe him I mean if he wanted her it would have happend again this didnt come out for a year and nothing else happend and I never once suspected feelings?

Christians, do you ever think divorce is in God’s will?

My husband and I are going through a very hard time right now. We both grew up in strong Christian homes and my question is, do you think divorce is ever God’s will, and if not, do you think that if I put my full trust in God to fix my marriage that He will fix it? Or could he not because of the stubborness of my husband? Does that even make sense? Neither of us have cheated or hit eachother… were just going through rough times, definitely not grounds for divorce, but my husband thinks so…

Will marriage counseling help my marriage even though..?

One of us wants to fix the marriage. Here’s the situation. My husband broke my trust once again and I’m tired of feel like this. We have been married for 7 years and out of the yrs there have only been about 3 or 4 yrs that our marriage was great not prefect but great. And now I feel its best if we divorce and move on but still me friends for our children sake but he defiantly doesn’t want a divorce and wants to go back to our marriage counselor and finish the program (it was his fault that we didn’t finish the first time). The only reason I want to go is because he won’t allow me to tell him how I feel and what I think we should do so I think having a third party there I will be able to finally say what I need to say and share how I feel.
No he did not commit adultery. He has a drug problem which I thought he was clean until I found evidence that said other wise and what really hurt is that he didn’t trust me to come as for my help or talk to me about his craving. He did what he always does… Goes off and gets his fix and than tries to hide it from me.
No he did not commit adultery. He has a drug problem which I thought he was clean until I found evidence that said other wise and what really hurt is that he didn’t trust me to come ask for my help or talk to me about his craving. He did what he always does… Goes off and gets his fix and than tries to hide it from me.
Its not that don’t try to say how I feel. It’s just he becomes a child who walks away from me and starts yelling “I don’t want hear this b/c you don’t mean it!!” Which gets me angry so than I don’t want to say anything I can’t take back.
I don’t want to be childish. I would like to be able to talk to him in a clam manner and not make it into a yelling match between the both of us.

Are you going to make a charitable donation around this time? How is this for an idea?

I know this is not marriage/divorce but at least you aren’t 13 year olds and I know most of you.

Let me tell you about an idea my husband had.

2 years ago he went to a high school in the poorest part of the area we lived in. He wanted to find a student who was driven to go to college in the sciences but was up the creek for money to do so. Not some kid who doesn’t care about school, but someone who wanted a 4.0 GPA and get a scholarship. He offered his free services as a science tutor to a few students and asked the principal to nominate or put him in touch with them.

His intention was to help one student but ended up chosing 5 and he set up a study group to meet at a McDonalds (almost) every Saturday morning, with breakfast on him. Of those 5, 2 of them quit shortly after realizing he was not there to do their homework for them, but the other 3 held on and they finished out the term with hugely improved science grades. One of them landed a full scholarship and the other two got partial scholarships.

Although I realize most people don’t have the time to do such a thing, most people have some skill they can do to help someone out, which is probably more useful than dropping a Barbie doll in a box or cutting a check for $50. If you’re good with your hands, offer to fix someone’s porch, window, etc. Or pay for their kids to go to the dentist. Something with a tangible benefit.

Have you any good ideas or stories?

Still feeling good from all the turkey

Allison
No answers 4 me

View on why so many relationships & marriages today end?

I’ve noticed on here (relationships section in general), no matter what type of question people ask about their relationship (friendship, dating, marriage), people always say things like “you’re overreacting, get over it, you’re separate people with separate lives, stop being such a p*ssy. Get over it and move on. Ignore it. it’s not a big deal” and/or “dump him”.

For one, having problems doesn’t mean your relationship (of any sort) is doomed. It just means theres a problem and you should fix it. Even the BEST friendships, dating relationships and marriages have problems. They don’t last because they are problem free!

when you take that approach (to just ignore a problem, pretend it doesn’t exist, remain unhappy with a problem in your relationship because “you’re 2 separate people with separate lives and interests”), that could be a major reason why relationships end. you can’t just ignore your problems and expect them to go away.

I’m from North America, but I absolutely hate this way of thinking. If you’re gonna be in a relationship, or get married, that means your a TEAM. That means you tackle problems, help each other, support each other, be kind to each other. That DOESN’T mean just “ignore each other / your problems because you’re 2 separate people with 2 separate lives and 2 separate personalities”.

TACKLE your problems (no matter how “idiotic” or “stupid” or big or small) as soon as you can, in the best way you can, in the kindest way you can. That way, they won’t blow up, so you’re so frustrated because you feel you cannot tackle a problem with your PARTNER, and have like 20 problems backed up. And so what do people turn to? Well, breaking up, or divorce.

Again, relationships (friendship, dating, marriage) means TEAMWORK. It doesn’t mean be a self absorbed a$$ and only look out for your own hide. Show some compassion, North Americans!

Can anyone explain why we want our country ran on these issues that Obama will base his Pesidency on?

Its time America takes a closer and deeper look at him. Some pundits are calling him the next John F. Kennedy. He’s not. He’s the next George McGovern. And it’s time people learned the facts.

Because the truth is that Mr. Obama is the single most liberal senator in the entire U.S. Senate. He is more liberal than Ted Kennedy, Bernie Sanders, or Mrs. Clinton. Never in my life have I seen a presidential frontrunner whose rhetoric is so far removed from his record. Walter Mondale promised to raise our taxes, and he lost. George McGovern promised military weakness, and he lost. Michael Dukakis promised a liberal domestic agenda, and he lost. Yet Mr. Obama is promising all those things, and he’s not behind in the polls. Why? Because the press has dealt with him as if he were in a beauty pageant.Mr. Obama talks about getting past party, getting past red and blue, to lead the United States of America. But let’s look at the more defined strokes of who he is underneath this superficial “beauty.
Start with national security, since the president’s most important duties are as commander-in-chief. Over the summer, Mr. Obama talked about invading Pakistan, a nation armed with nuclear weapons; meeting without preconditions with Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, who vows to destroy Israel and create another Holocaust; and Kim Jong II, who is murdering and starving his people, but emphasized that the nuclear option was off the table against terrorists – something no president has ever taken off the table since we created nuclear weapons in the 1940s. Even Democrats who have worked in national security condemned all of those remarks. Mr. Obama is a foreign-policy novice who would put our national security at risk.

Next, consider economic policy. For all its faults, our health care system is the strongest in the world. And free trade agreements, created by Bill Clinton as well as President Bush, have made more goods more affordable so that even people of modest means can live a life that no one imagined a generation ago. Yet Mr. Obama promises to raise taxes on “the rich.” How to fix Social Security? Raise taxes. How to fix Medicare? Raise taxes. Prescription drugs? Raise taxes. Free college? Raise taxes. Socialize medicine? Raise taxes. His solution to everything is to have government take it over. Big Brother on steroids, funded by your paycheck.

Finally, look at the social issues. Mr. Obama had the audacity to open a stadium rally by saying, “All praise and glory to God!” but says that Christian leaders speaking for life and marriage have “hijacked” – hijacked – Christianity. He is pro-partial birth abortion, and promises to appoint Supreme Court justices who will rule any restriction on it unconstitutional. He espouses the abortion views of Margaret Sanger, one of the early advocates of racial cleansing. His spiritual leaders endorse homosexual marriage, and he is moving in that direction. In Illinois, he refused to vote against a statewide ban – ban – on all handguns in the state. These are radical left, Hollywood, and San Francis co values, not Middle America values.
The real Mr. Obama is an easy target for the general election. Mrs. Clinton is a far tougher opponent. But Mr. Obama could win if people don’t start looking behind his veneer and flowery speeches. His vision of “bringing America together” means saying that those who disagree with his agenda for America are hijackers or warmongers. Uniting the country means adopting his liberal agenda and abandoning any conflicting beliefs.

I know I know but you lot need to lighten up a little LOL? It’s all turned very serious here lately?

Once we had Clinton, Johnny Cash and Bob Hope. Now we have Bush, no Cash and no Hope.

If Helen Keller had ESP, would you say she had a fourth sense?

The best contraceptive for old people is nudity.

Have you been to Wal-Mart lately? You have to be 300 pounds to get the automatic doors to open.

I’ve been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog.

I wondered why the Frisbee was getting bigger, and then it hit me.

Those that forget the pasta are doomed to reheat it.

Take everything in moderation. Including moderation.

There are two rules for success: 1.) Don’t tell all you know.

Some days it’s not worth chewing through the straps.

Do not follow, for I may not lead. Do not lead, for I may not follow. Just go over there somewhere, please?

Never go to bed angry, stay awake and plot your revenge.

If at first you don’t succeed, try left field.

Sacred cows make the best hamburgers.

I got some new underwear yesterday. Well, it was new to me.

If #2 pencils are the most popular, are they still #2?

I used to be a lifeguard, but some blue kid got me fired.

I live in California, and my watch is three hours fast, I can’t fix it, so I’m moving to New York.

I don’t want buns of steel. I want buns of cinnamon.

Ask to see my tattoo of a rose, but don’t ask outside. I’m constantly bothered by bees.

It’s not who you know, it’s whom you know.

There is no “I” in “Team”, but there are four in “Platitude-Quoting Idiot”.

A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered drawer.

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.

Treat each day as your last; one day you will be right.

Follow your dreams, except for that one where you’re naked at work.

Which one of these is the non-smoking lifeboat?

Marriage is not a word. It’s a sentence.

George Bush has been working hard, 24 / 7 – 24 hours a week, 7 months a year.

I had amnesia once – maybe twice.

Originality is the art of concealing your sources.

Photons have mass? I didn’t even know they were Catholic.

All I ask is a chance to prove money can’t make me happy.

Wear a watch and you’ll always know what time it is. Wear two watches and you’ll never be sure.

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you’re on.

Teach a child to be polite and courteous, and when he grows up, he’ll never be able to edge his car onto a freeway.

Two can live as cheaply as one, for half as long.

Is Marx’s tomb a communist plot?

Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun.

That guy is so old he shops at EXTREMELY Old Navy.

Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can’t even get into my own pants.

Birthdays are good for you – the more you have the longer you live.

Letting the cat out of the bag is a whole lot easier than putting it back in.

If you’re riding ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it’s still there.

In an argument, a woman always has the last word. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

If you think you’re a person of some influence, try ordering somebody else’s dog around.

I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with “Guess” on it. So I said “Implants?”

Starting a marriage in college- tips? money/experience advice?

My boyfriend of three years and I have talked alot about marriage, but due to the fact that we are now in the same town, at the same college (he used to be 2 hours away) this has become a more realistic posibilty- our only problem is money. He has a disease (CF) that enables him to work but makes his health insurance insanely high, and we are concerned about money because there is no garantee that our parents will continue to pay for college (they are currently paying minimally, as I have many scholarships) after the (small and inexpensive) wedding. Any advice from someone who has been there and done that would be appriciated- we would love to get married as soon as possible, and this is our only stumbling block. Have not yet talked to parents- Dad is very wary of me marrying in college.

advice on dating/marriage while in college?

anyone have any advice/tips how to manage full time, intense college, and still find time to enjoy life/date/get married hopefully…

How to have a successful marriage? tips and/or advices?

How do I start a discussion about marriage with my boyfriend?

We have been together over 3 years (I’m 21, he almost is). How do I just bring it up to talk about it without scaring him away? He asked me recently where I see myself in 5 years, and I’ve heard that can be a question that guys only ask when their serious..I don’t think I would scare him off if I brought up marriage..do you? I just want to find out more about what he thinks about it, etc. Any tips /advice appreciated.

What should we do? Keep trying to work it out and save the marriage, or divorce and save ourselves?

I tend to run away from responsibility, Ive struggled with depression all my life. Knowing this, my best friend, against my pleading, fell for me and talked me into dating her and then into marrying her. I mistaked “not knowing what I want” for “I can handle anything” and we married. I told her before we even started dating I knew a few things, like I dont want kids (she does) and I dont want to live in this area (she does). Didnt faze her. She was driven to do good things back then, plus she was hot. Since we got married 5 years ago, weve degraded drastically. Im sure my depression has brought her down. Shes given up changing the world and shes gained a lot of weight. I was frugal and never had any debt before we married. Now were $30,000 in debt and we live on her parents property. Ive never done the manly thing before. What should we do? Keep trying to work it out and save the marriage, or divorce and save ourselves? No one in her family has ever divorced and no one in mine hasn’t.
I should add that we are both in our mid 20′s, working and going to school.

Also that my relationships before her tended to die out when I stopped calling, a tribute to my lack of manliness, fear of responsibility and history of depression.

She had no romantic relationships prior to me, which leads me to believe she persists in loving me out of guilt for wasting her love on me initially.
We do not have children yet.

Do you think marriage counseling helps most couples and saves them from divorce?

Applying for stay against divorce will be helpful to save marriage?

Who r the persons will be helpful in getting a signature for filing the petition from a foreign country and is there any voluntry organization for NRI

Divorce vs. Legal Separation (to save? the marriage)?

After three years of marriage, my wife has told me is going to file for divorce. (We decided to separate in August with the initial intent to just take a “time out” of the marriage, but while she was off on her own, I imagine she decided that her life (and stress level) would be lower without me.)

In recent conversations we’ve had, she said she needs to be on her own to figure out what she wants in life, and doesn’t have the energy to devote to being a “good wife”.

I haven’t given up on the marriage, but apparently she has. I tried to talk her out of moving foward with the divorce, but she seems pretty determined. The only thing I can think of as a “last gasp” effort is to convince her not to divorce, but to legally separate, and stay apart for a while more while we work on our own issues.

Yet in several good books I’m reading, they say that if I really want to save our marriage, I need to let her work through the process SHE wants to go through (so she doesn’t feel controlled), and if during the process she sees that that things have really started to change (in me), maybe she’ll cancel the divorce.

At the risk of sounding sexist, I’d like to get thoughts from women, and married women in particular, who have been at the same place as my wife is now, and what they did or didn’t do during this period.

BTW, our marriage problems didn’t involve physical abuse or infidelity. Just a lot of emotional issues from past marriages, a “Brady-Bunch nightmare family dynamic” as a blended famiy, and some addiction problems on both sides. I don’t need advise or info on the legal ramifications of divorce vs legal separation. I know all those.

Depression/Dad with brain injury…HELP!! p.s. a lot of reading?

So, I just have some things to get off my chest and also need some advice.

So I’m just going to start from the beginning of my problem.

I’m 16, almost 17. My life has been eventful, to say the least. I’ve had problems with truancy (missing to much school). I was put into a group home for a month (instead of being put into juvenile detention) for missing so much school. Then I was put into a mental facility under suicide watch (I’ve never cut myself, or self mutilation, or actually tried to kill myself. I just opened my mouth at the wrong time) for a week. I was released from the group home, and put in my older brothers custody until school ended. I had to start going to counseling and the reasons to my problems all came out…

My parents have been married for 18 years, and it has been hell. Most of their marriage was spent fighting, or split up, ever since I can remember. Both my mom and dad were heavily into drugs when I was younger (dad also drank a lot), but then he quit doing drugs (but kept drinking). I was put back into my parents care after school ended. Mom was really into prescription drugs recently. She was arrested 3 times, with 2 dui’s. But my dad got his act together for me and himself (he started going to AA classes) and he pretty much quit drinking, which was more than I could ask for. My mom was put in jail for getting her 3rd dui the day after she had court, so that left me with my dad. My dad and I bonded, spent weekends together, and just took care of pretty much everything together. I’ve always favored my dad over my mom just because he’s always been there for me, even when he was drinking.

On September 9th, my dad was in an accident at work. He was on a fork lift thing, was about 20-30 feet in the air, the fork lift malfunctioned, tipped over, and he fell directly on his forehead. He crushed his entire skull, broke his leg, and a few ribs. A friend of his picked me up at school about 9 a.m. and I knew something was wrong. She told me he was in an accident at work, but he was going to be ok. So I believed her, until we got to the hospital and they took us back to the private room. I saw my Grandma, my 2 uncles (one was operating the machine my dad fell off of), and one of the people my dad works for. They were all crying, so I was expecting the worst. My Grandma told me what happened, and I could have died right there. They let me go back to see him, and he looked so bad. His head was covered in blood and he couldn’t talk or anything. They told me chances of him living were slim to none. Paramedics took him to a hospital where they have a trauma unit, where he went through a 14 hour surgery to save is life.

He’s come a long way in 2 months, but it’s so hard. Yesterday I went to see him for the first time in 2 weeks, and he swore I was there the day before. He knows who his friends are, and he still has his mannerisms. They ask him basic math questions and to name basic objects. He does well with the math, and can name most objects but he still gets confused. He was asked what a paint brush was and he called it a paint shovel :/ His eye is pointed inward on the side he landed on (with really bad double vision). Doctors said this can be fixed by ‘training’ the eye.

I’ve been really sad since this, and it was just kind of a wake up call that it really could happen to you.

I guess where I’m going with this is:
How can I deal with this?? (Staying sad/depressed)
And what are the chances (if anyone knows) of him recovering?? And I do know he won’t even be completely the same.

But anything would help.

Please don’t answer if you’re just going to put something rude or ridiculous.

Has this plot ever been used before?

Hello there,
This is the planned sequel to the story I’m writing called Union Jack. The title is to be decided but I was thinking of using ~ The Dragon Swan. However, I think the title’s already been used. Bummer! Anyhow, the link to Union Jack is bellow and the plot of the sequel is bellow that. Thanks a ton in advance for any tips you’re feel like giving too!

http://uk.answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AgM646ton8UuPK3bPVuRIAUhBgx.;_ylv=3?qid=20100506070107AAGQrPd

Sequel Synopsis: Juniper, the world Jack was translated to, is under threat yet again. This time, a horrible hybrid creature with the appearance of a black swan but with dark, silvery, snake-like scales and the powers of a fire-breathing dragon is ravaging the renewed Faerie-Elf Kingdom. Whilst the warriors of the Kingdom attempt to slay the Dragon Swan (that proves to be quite impossible), the alliance is on the verge of separating a second time.

Amid the chaos and havoc, Jack (now called Union Jack) and the talking fox (his first friend in Juniper) embark on a quest to seek out the help of the legendary Griffin that supposedly lies to the east beyond the Neverwoods where a tribe of banished elves live. Making things even more complex, the fox’s “owner,” a faerie named Lythúlwaith, joins the duo. This new companion stirs up foreign emotions within Jack. Unfortunately, Lythúlwaith is a preistess of the Order of the Sunbeam (name to be decided) and priestesses cannot marry or indulge in romantic affairs.

However, Lythúlwaith is torn as well for she finds herself falling for Jack. If she does anything with him, she will be banned from the Order of the Sunbeam and ultimately disgraced. Everyone will regard their marriage (if they have one) as an Untrue Union and a scandal. It is no matter that Jack is considered a hero and saved Juniper previously. The outcome will still be the same.

If that isn’t bad enough, they are under constant attacks by Demons who have finally decided to wage war against Juniper.

(Please be honest with yourself and don’t steal the ideas. Thanks!)

He’s going to meet my very Christian family! advice please?

okay so my boyfriend is going to meet my extended family this weekend. I love my extended family but I’m worried about what they may think of us because of their religious views. They live a few hrs drive away and I’m going to spend the night in his families guest room , by myself. I’m not sure how my family, being as religious as they are , are going to take this. Like I was talking with them just hypothetically a little while back about moving in before marriage (this is before I was in a relationship) and they were totally against that because it shows “the appearance of sin” (sex, which I’m saving for “the one”, let’s hope its this guy ) so I’m worried they’ll think the same thing in this situation. also, my boyfriend isn’t religious, not that I’m going to tell them but if they ask him I’m worried again that they’ll judge him for that. I know most likely nothing will go down but how would I handle it if they just decided to write him off? I really like him and I plan on staying with him for as long as its meant to be. I’m just worried, any tips?

should I stay in this relationship or does it sound like bf is playing games.?

bf and I are very busy. I try to be available but he clearly shows me that he comes first.When on phone he texts and talks to people around him.I try to do nice things for him unasked.He doesn’t do much for me but buy dinner when we go out.I usually get the tip and I pay for some dinner as well.I am mostly meeting him b/c he doesn’t drive so I spend lots in gas and tolls.Always has an excuse why he can’t come see me.He does when I put my foot down.He makes time to see me but last few times just enough for sex.He calls me when I am ready to fall alseep.At a store he badly needed a $60 colonge offered me s/t then said we should save it for the engagement ring.Wants me to move to LA where he’ll get 8 yr phd degree during which time he wants marriage and kids. I do too but w/avail husband. He plans to be really busy.I’m in school now.I notice whenever I have an exam we get into huge fights. I have a pattern of not talk to him for days after fight.This is weekly.Dating 2 ys.

is this fate with some deep underlying force?

im a total hippie, i also intensely enjoy music, skateboarding, and i love Into The Wild, and want to live my life travelling and be a vagabond whos home is nature. im in college and havent met anyone whos into travelling and nature as much as i am… until now. i was searching on facebook for hippies and fans of into the wild. i friended many people over a month or two and most of them were either foreign, or not into it as much as I. but then i came across this girl, and i messaged her asking her about into the wild, and she answered a few days later saying she loves the movie and stuff. then she liked my status, which was a quote from into the wild. then i saw she joined three of the groups that i had about into the wild and hippies. then i instant messaged her and we started talking about if she travelled much. and long story short it turns out we have more in common than with anyone we’ve ever met. we both want to live to travel and live in nature, but havent had the chance due to not meeting people who love travelling, and have rich parents who are materialistic, as we both think money and clothes and all that mean nothing. we both wanted to go on road trips this summer but didnt have much money so are working to save up money for later to something bigger and better. weve both never left the us and canada, and hate college and were into the same majors, but did it just to do a major and didnt really care much about it. we both realize how much we have in common, its almost scary how much we are alike and how much alike our situation. she lives 10 hours away from me, but that doesnt really matter, and i said we should travel sometime in the near future, and she said sure i need a travel buddy. i could see us being something special and bigger than the both of us.

should we not let distance stop as and try to hang in the future, and development a strong friendship and perhaps a relationship afterwards if see a stronger feelings for eachother?

is this out of the ordinary or much in common we have?

are we meant to be?……………………?

im a total hippie, i also intensely enjoy music, skateboarding, and i love Into The Wild, and want to live my life travelling and be a vagabond whos home is nature. im in college and havent met anyone whos into travelling and nature as much as i am… until now. i was searching on facebook for hippies and fans of into the wild. i friended many people over a month or two and most of them were either foreign, or not into it as much as I. but then i came across this girl, and i messaged her asking her about into the wild, and she answered a few days later saying she loves the movie and stuff. then she liked my status, which was a quote from into the wild. then i saw she joined three of the groups that i had about into the wild and hippies. then i instant messaged her and we started talking about if she travelled much. and long story short it turns out we have more in common than with anyone we’ve ever met. we both want to live to travel and live in nature, but havent had the chance due to not meeting people who love travelling, and have rich parents who are materialistic, as we both think money and clothes and all that mean nothing. we both wanted to go on road trips this summer but didnt have much money so are working to save up money for later to something bigger and better. weve both never left the us and canada, and hate college and were into the same majors, but did it just to do a major and didnt really care much about it. we both realize how much we have in common, its almost scary how much we are alike and how much alike our situation. she lives 10 hours away from me, but that doesnt really matter, and i said we should travel sometime in the near future, and she said sure i need a travel buddy. i could see us being something special and bigger than the both of us.

should we not let distance stop as and try to hang in the future, and development a strong friendship and perhaps a relationship afterwards if see a stronger feelings for eachother?

is this out of the ordinary or much in common we have?

Does she have an eating disorder?

So I don’t know why this is, but I appear to attract a lot of friends and girlfriends/boyfriends with eating disorders (mostly guys, as odd as you’d think that sounds). It’s put me through a lot of stress and depression because i have one of those complexes where I feel like I need to save everyone. I lost a very close friend to anorexia and bulimia and dont want that to happen again. I also end up feeling guilty because I know I have what they consider a really nice body I’m very thin but still have shape and I don’t work out ever or watch calories I just have awesome metabolism.
The problem is now I am dating this new girl. She is like 5’7″ and 160 lb or something, not that big at all. She is beautiful. But she always makes jokes about being fat or consuming lots of calories or something. She always laughs about it and says shes kidding, but does it constantly. She also constantly compares her body to mine supposedly jokingly. It makes me feel terrible because I think she is the beautiful one. She will comment on my spine or ribs or something. Then I noticed her quote on AIM is something like “its not about numbers or looking thin, its about looking as empty as you feel within”. When I was dating an anorexic before I spend a lot of time on anorexia sites for research purposes, and a lot of people of those sites said similar things. The last clue that concerned me is that today I was explaining that I have bad kidneys and so after I drank a lot at dinner thats why i had to go to the bathroom repeatedly to pee, and I said something about not wanting her to think I was bulimic or anything because I’ve been accused of that before because of the trips to the bathroom. Her response was that even if I did have and ED is ok because its not that strange and that 7 out of 10 girls have them.
On the other hand, she eats in front of me, although not more than an average person, probably less.

I’m just worried because I’ve seen signs like this before. This is a very new relationship, so I don’t know how to go about this situation. I’m concerned even as a friend, but I also know how painful and usually futile trying to help can be, tho I don’t think I’d be able to just not try.

Hows my theisis any corretion would help?

Environmentalism is a vulgar misconception like a good book with a weird cover. You won’t understand it until you look in side it. Environmentalism isn’t a new fashion statement, or a prehensile cult, or a form of hysteria. According to The book Human Impact on The Environment (Environmentalism is the broad philosophy and social movement centered on the concern for the conservation and improvement of the environment.) Since the end of the industrial revolution mankind has slowly realized that the earth can’t protect it’s self so hence the green movement had begun. Now that’s a very voguish quote and it’s right to the point too. But what it fails to address are all the many ideas, and that regressed from it. To full understand the concept of Environmentalism you must first look at it’s origin. For this concept there are two points of origin. One point is the philosophy of environmentalism which can range from anything from why people refuse to recycle to what makes people devote themselves to full-scale hereditarianism life style. The other is the social movement environmentalism. Now the relationship between the social movement and the philosophy of environmentalism is similar to the difference between action and an idea. Action is when something is done opposed to thought about. The social movement is the result of action being done on a large scale due to people’s response to the ideals expressed in the psychology of environmentalism. While you read consider the following questions. Why the social movement was so successful, what psychology has to with tree hugging, when important points in the movement occurred, and how can recycling help save the world.

My husband wants to end our marriage, I want to save it, what now?

Before I start, I made a prior posting but wanted to get more responses…so …. here we go…
Well, my husband has agreed to three sessions with a marriage counselor. However, he has agreed due to me pleading with him to give us a small chance and then I will agree to a divorce if he still feels there is no hope. He even yelled at me “Three sessions and that is it, I have had it with this marriage. I can’t take any more.”

My husband and me had a dispute last week which led to me saying, I am walking away from this argument and I left him in the room alone. He then, begining last Tuesday, started sleeping on the couch. He recently told me he wants a divorce,, this was last Saturday. Since then has now begun to not eat my food, stays sleeping on the couch and doesn’t talk to me. He has taken our wedding pictures off of facebook and has stopped wearing his wedding ring. Have I completely lost him? A couple of days ago I got him to agree to see my therapist for 3 couples sessions and after that he will decide if there is no hope on his side. I started a therapist to help start the process of therapy together. I want to save my marriage.
He wants to divorce me but has said fine (by me harrassing him) to go to 3 sessions with my therapist. Today I pushed the issue a little further and he said he will give it until August 1, 2010, because he states he doesn’t want to be an evil guy and I am such a “pain in the A%s.” We have had arguments in the past that were bad (not physical) and they have gotten better. That is my belief that they have gotten better and two weeks ago he even said we are making progress. Today was our first session with my theraist as a couple. He started the session by saying “I don’t fell we work, I have no energy to work this out either and this is how I feel.” He utilized session to talk about our arguments and how I always get the last word and walk away which is the majority of why he wants to leave. He states that I walk away from him in an argument before he finishes what he has to say.
Should I ignore him and give him space, and wait for him to approach me whenever? I have been trying to connect with him for the past week and he has been busy telling me to get the F*%#k away we are over and done.

We have been married for 1 year and a half.
We dated for three years and lived together for two years.

How do I save my marriage when my step son is more important?

I will give you a little history: My husband and I met at work 10 years ago. We were both in committed relationships and became friends. He has 2 boys ages 22 and 20. I have a boy 20 and a daughter 16. He has always been a distant father due to the boys mother playing games and not allowing regular visitation. He was lucky to see the boys for a few days a year.

About 1 year ago she finally decided she needs help. Both of the boys are addicted to oxy. She sent the younger one to her fathers and the older one to us. We opened our house with open arms. It was a great chance for my husband to feel like a father and build a relationship with his son. We make every effort to help him achieve goals and to stay drug free. He has a job and makes good money. His boss also knows his history.

At Christmas, he went home to see his mother and came back with oxy. He has relapsed 2 other times with pot. When he is doing well we reward him with trust. We allowed him to drive our cars to and from work and occasionally to date. He then started lying to us. I was noticing the mileage and knowing that he only works 1 mile from the house he was putting 40 plus miles on my car and then lying about his whereabouts. (We found out he lied but we don’t know what really happened) About 3 weeks ago his mother called and said he had no money in the bank. (she has access online) He was suppose to have 2 thousand and he had a negative balance. He was suppose to be saving for a car. About 2 weeks ago, my daughter had money missing from her dresser. Then I was missing jewelry. My husband is missing all his jewelry!! We know what happened!! We have an alarm system on the house, there was no forced entry, and my daughter is never home alone.

Now the problem I really have is with my husband. I love him with all my heart but I can’t stand what he is doing to our marriage. When he goes to work he is a happy go lucky kind of guy and everyone loves him. When he comes home he is exhausted and wants to go to bed early. When he is home and his son is gone he has the phone right by his side and answers upbeat like he is so excited to hear from him. When I am out and call him he doesn’t ever answer the phone. I have to leave a message and he calls me back. He goes to play poker and stays for hours. He and his son plays golf too!

My husband has nothing left for me or our relationship. We tried councelling but it doesn’t work when your husband doesn’t show who he really is. We tried a date day. We succeeded 2 times and it seems he wants to go home early. I feel his son doesn’t understand that I need privacy sometimes with his father. He needs to be center of attention.

We fight constantly about his son. I feel that he is at his beckon call. He calls whenever for a ride home from work. He has been inconsiderate with his dad. His dad will wait up to pick him up from work and he calls around 11 to say he got off at 8 and went to the bar with friends. He is not allowed to use our cars now however he has no money to buy his own.

I am very afraid our marriage cannot take anymore. I am tired of being a doormat and helping someone who is not helping himself. Then again, why would you when your father does everything for you?

Any ideas are welcome!!! Please help!!

Is it possible to save a marriage if my husband deserted me during my lowest times of my life?

I’m having a hard time trying to forgive and forget when my husband deserted me in our marriage on several situations where I needed him the most. He wasn’t emotionally or at least physically there for me when my mother died, he actually gave me more grief then any thing. We fought so much during this because as he puts it “I should have gotten over her death within 4 months of her death…because that’s how he is and is family is.” We went to see a marriage counselor, but stopped going after he said that he was only going because I was making the appointments. He claims that he acted this way because he was dealing with emotional issues from his childhood and his deployment which both, he didn’t bother trying to get help for….even when I tried to get him help. Everytime I cried about my mother’s death, he would say nasty things like “well, I’m not going to comfort you because your going to still cry anyways.” To make matter’s worse, my family also deserted me and withheld their support, I basically had no one to be there….except for a psychiatrist…even though I would have liked that to be my husband or family.
Well, I forgave him and gave him another chance. Shortly, I lose my job, and guess what….he was not emotionally supportive for me again. Instead of giving me encouragement, he would bitch me out and constantly stress me out even more by threatening me that “we were going to have problems if I couldn’t find a job.” It wasn’t like I was sitting around the house just chillan, I constantly applied to jobs to no avail. I finally got a job working a fast food joint, something I told myself that I would never do ever again in my life, but I did it to keep my marriage together. Sure enough, his attitude was towards me did a 360 and he was happy with me once again….I feel very disgusted with the way he has acted….and he claims that now he realizes that he was not there for me the way he should have been, but I can’t help but constantly play back everything in my head and wonder should I continue with this marriage or not?
I grew resentment towards him for putting me through all this. I cried alone so many times, and I’m done feeling hurt. I love him still, and I don’t want to get a divorce…..needless to say, I fell into drinking alcohol to numb everything out. I’m angry and hurt, and it feels like no matter how many times he claims he is a changed man, and promises he will not desert me, I can’t seem to forget what he has done and fear that he would act like this again in the future. I can’t go through this again, I’m too weak. I’m sorry if I sound like complaining but I just don’t have anyone.
thank you Duo, I will check out that website. It is comforting to know that I’m not the only person going through this sort of problem in marriages. Now I don’t feel to entirely alone.
I’m new at this and I’m trying to figure out if there is a way that I can reply to each of your individual responses. Is there any other way to do this other than adding more details?
Karin- You are so right, love should be unconditional and I don’t feel that he loves me unconditionally. I actually feel like I’m married to a groupie…you know someone that only wants to be around when things are going great, then they are there fully without skipping a beat. That’s not who I want in my life. I feel so betrayed and hurt. Im not trying to play the blame game, but I think what made matter’s worse is that I never had a chance to really cope with my mother’s death because I have been so worried about my marriage constantly and she passed away on November 9th 2008. I got so disgusted with him when he started to act happy again when I found a job, I left him and stayed with a friend for a week. He says he is going to work on himself and change…but I just don’t believe he will. I feel like a stupid woman for giving him so many chances, my gut tells me that he will never really act right. Thank you for your response hun.
XO- you made me realize that I am looking for a reason to stay in this marriage…I don’t want to leave but at the same time, this marriage is causing me more damage than good. It does feel like abuse, as much as I don’t want to think about it like that, but it does feel that way because I’m emotionally torn and damaged about the one person that should have had my back regardless just failed on me the worse way possible. I will work on myself to lift myself out of this depression and alcoholism, your right, even though I can’t save this marriage, I can at least save myself. Thank you for your response.
Scarlet Cougar- I totally feel what your saying. He promised me that he will go to therapy, and he is willing to. The problem is, is that I have no faith in people anymore. I have been lied to, betrayed, and cheated out of happiness from this man. I just don’t believe that he will change, I wish there was some sort of pill that I can take that can just wipe the painful memory of him deserting me, cuz I think that will be the only way that I can even look at him now. I will try and get involved with a support group aside from him. Your right, I know that I have worn him out with the constant demand for support, but at the same time, he left me know choice with him so focused on his career, we have moved around the U.S. with his job I have lived in 5 states within the past 3 years, I can’t even establish friends…or even a stable career. I guess that’s what I get for being the “supportive wife” he never deserved to ask me to drop everything to support him in his career decisions.
Queen Agnostic- That’s true, we all make mistakes. I have a hard time believing in anyone that makes the mistake of not being there for the person they claim to love, that they even love that person at all. I mean, I think I could do what he did to me to someone else if I absolutely did not love or care about that person….thats the only way possible….
I will try and keep finding work and establish something for me and slowly remove myself from this if it comes down to it. I’m going to give our marriage once last chance at least I will know then that I did give it a chance.
As for the alcohol, I will stop and quit, Its not so bad to the point that I have to have it. I’m really sorry for your loss, my mother died exactly one year and one day before yours (November 9th 2008), and it hurts everyday. I’m so sorry hun, my heart aches for you. I know that everytime I look up at the sky, I know she is looking back. I know that your mother is doing the same to you (hugs).
Queen Agnostic-It will get better in time, trust me. It hurts everyday as if it happened yesterday, but I know that she is in a better place. Thank you for your support and advice, I really appreciate it.
Island- That’s what I believe to, I didn’t expect him to be the one of the people that failed to be there for me. It felt like a major slap to the face that he, along with my siblings, turned his back on me when I needed him the most. I can’t get over that part, I’m losing sleep, I can’t look at him without disgust.
I didn’t think that I was acting in a way that other people that lose their mother’s wouldn’t be. I have realized that he was just saying this as a cop out excuse so that he wouldn’t have to deal with it anymore.
I’m going to get counseling, definitely, and I don’t have faith in him or much less anyone these days. I know for sure this will be the last time I say I do to anyone, I can’t go through disappointment again. Thank you for your advice and input, I greatly appreciate it.
Liz- Your so right, and I think that’s why our marriage is the way it is now. I’m going to try this marriage counseling with him since now he is “serious” about it, but I’m also embracing myself for the worse. Thank you for your time and input.
Six6un- Wow…ouch…you really told it like it is…a little hurtful, but since when does the truth feel good huh? I appreciate you being honest with me. I’m sorry for the too much info….I wasn’t always so emotionally dependant…I just became this way when I lost my mom, I lost my mom in the most traumatic experiences ever…I watched her slowly die in ICU helplessly for one month alone (it’s a longer story how it happened but long story short, she slipped into a coma and never woke up after experiencing complications from multiple seizures during a dialysis session.)
A long time ago, we were happy with each other, he wasn’t this coward that I see now. I fell in love with his representative, it feels like this man that
continued…I see now didn’t appear until we said I do, seriously. I don’t want to end this marriage, but at the same time your right, I don’t need someone that can’t stay by my side when things aren’t going great. I don’t think I can be or consider being with another man after this marriage. Thank you for your advice and honesty.

I want to save my marriage..please help?

My husband and I have been married for a little over 3 years and I thought everything was great until about 2 months ago he had some form of a midlife crisis (hes only 36) about how we dont have kids (I cant) and he feels worthless etc..so we got passed that now about every other day he just turns off towards me..he’s made comments that really hurt just last night he said if he doesnt feel better soon he’s going to leave. Feel better about what? He’s harping on arguments we had early in our relationship. Almost as if it just gives him a reason to not care. He says he loves me wants to be with me but he does not show it. I cry constantly I love him with all my heart and all I want is to make him happy. I am so confused and I want to fix it, I’ve tried being sweet, listening, making his favorite food..everything..when i tell him how i feel it makes it worse. I need ideas..help..he says everything will be fine but how I can I live my life with no affection or love I feel so alone now and it would be nice just for him to make some effort..any suggestions… is this marriage going to last? is it worth saving? Neither one of us have ever cheated so I don’t understand where things went so wrong.
just to add.. I’d love to adopt but he has something against wants his own blood for whatever reason. He went from feeling bad about not having kids to now he says he’s to old to have kids and doesn’t want them. It’s been a roller coaster kind of couple months. For example right now he’s been talkative and funny..but give it a hour I’ll be in tears again. he says we don’t need counseling we’ll be fine but I like the suggestion of going on my own…
He’s 36– I’m 26..so no I am not starting to age

PART II: I cheated on my wife..Please….I need help to save my marriage…please?

I appreciate a lot of the comments and advice that all of you had. I really do. To answer some of your questions…I really am remorseful in the mistake that I made. It has cost me my family for one, but also, the woman I have called my wife for the last 9 years. It is true that I took everything I had for granted. I gambled on my kids & my wife’s affection and love. I am not living with any woman right now for that matter. I have not been or talked to another woman for this whole time. I prayed to God that he help me as well and show me some sort of sign to help me. Only he knows how truly remorseful and sorry I am and would do anything to humbly get my wife’s forgiveness first. I’ve stuck to being with my kids as much as I can and doing all I can around the house my kids and wife live in. Next step? I know everything will now be in baby steps, but how can I show her that I’m trying to be a much better person first without making it seem like, “Hey! Look what I did!”

Is this marriage worth trying to save? Please help!?

My husband and I have been married for almost 5 years – but been together for 12-13 years altogether. Prior to getting married, we had issues with honesty (mainly from his end) – but I had never imagined it would go so far.

We’ve had issues for years about deception. He would have secret credit cards, cell phones, email accounts. He met women at work and had relationships that crossed the line, although he swore they were only ever “friends”. The last one that ended us in marriage counselling for 8 months was the worst. He texted her non-stop, met her behind my back and lied to me about who he was seeing and even freaked out at a party on night when she made out with some other guy (it was at our house – and I was pregnant with his baby!). He just couldn’t leave her alone and vice-versa. After that, I swore no more.

A few months afterwards, I found a bunch of strange women’s phone numbers hidden in his phone and wallet (behind our wedding picture ). Again, he wrote it off as flattery and kept them to feed his ego – but nothing more. Then I find out he tried to tie in a 10 000 dollar maxed out credit card into our mortgage that I didn’t even know about. He spent oodles of our savings and cleaned out our 2 year old’s bank account. Again, I swore that was the “last straw”.

I was finally feeling better about us since it had been many months. I’d stopped checking his cell phone – but after his 3rd Friday night out after work until 5:30 am..I checked his phone (just on September 3). I found msgs from a girl that had a very carefully deleted history. The gist of the msgs was that they were ending some type of relationship but that she “still needed him, whether he believes it or not”. Ugh. I packed my kiddo and my bags and left (and I took his cell).

Once I got to a girlfriends house, we went into the phone to see what we could find. There were accounts that he had set up at Ashley Madision, Online Booty Call, Adult Friend Finder, Plenty of Fish and Lavalife. He was asking for discreet sexual encounters and had used his real name, postal code…even pictures I had taken of him.

He SWEARS that this was all for attention and thrills but that it never crossed any physical lines. The girl on the phone was apparently someone he’d met in a bar (over a year ago) that he’d connected with and they were just very personal friends (I called her and she said the same…but still. You don’t hide a mystery woman you speak to every day from your wife if you have nothing to hide).

I told him to pack his bags and that we were at the very least looking for a separation until the new year. We’ve been to counselling, he sees a therapist, and yet this all continues.

I would appreciate ANY advice/thoughts any of you might have. I’m at the point where I think our marriage is likely a lost cause…but I don’t know if there’s any hope for us or our little family. Any advice?? Thank you so much!!

confused in ma life, please help me!?

I’m an engineering student, i did not study well due to some family issues, i tried finding a way to lead life in all possible ways. i had been doing event management, English language training and many other things, none of these helped me, guys out there please help me find a good career, have to make some money in a year, i have made promises to my girl, i have told her I’ll have a settled life in a year, and then think about marriage, please save me guys.

PLEASE HELP ME SAVE MY MARRIAGE :’( (sorry is too long) ?

Please serious advice only We’ve been together for almost 6 years, as a normal marriage we had our ups and downs, he is 32 and I am 25 . Yesterday my husband told me he doesn’st have any desire for me and he’s been feeling like this for a while but never had the courage to let me know how he feels. He said he doesn’t have any complaint about me, that nobody’s ever taken care of him the way I do,I work full time and go to college bla bla bla but that’s not everything on a relationship, that he doesn’t one somebody to take care of him, but somebody to feel passionate about. That totally devastated me , I don’t know what to do? He said he is willing to try anything to work things out but if his feelings doesn’t chance the best is for us to separarate cause he will not be willing to live a lie.
I love him so much I can’t imagine my life withouth him!!!! He said if he knew how to feel this sexual desire for me , he would do it but he doesn’t not know, and that is not normal for a young couple to be this way. He’s not cheating and told me it breaks his heart to tell me this but that’s something he doesn;t have control over. I went crazy and pack my things to leave and he would not let me, he said he is open to try to save this marriage but if my decision is to leave him it’s doesn’t have to end in this terms. He would find a place for me close to my job and school and help me out financilly until I can do it by mysellf. I want him, i respect him, i love him but missed the clues our sexual life was going down the drain.
He cried like a baby yesterday and so I did. I know have not been the best wife sexually speaking, I never rejected him but never initiated anything either. Never wore sexy lingerie or try to spice things up in the bedroom.We talked about me being more provoctive and playful two times before and I tried to change but never follow throught and this has taken is toll on our marriage. Also, about 4 months ago I started talking with this co-worker and we would text more than 50 times a day and he found the text msg, I thought it was innocent but he got so mad at me. I told him I just needed somebody to talk to ( We moved to this city a couple of months ago so I don’t have family or many friends to talk to) He said he was devastated to know I prefer to talk to an stranger than to him. He forgave me and we agreed to try to work things out. Again, I didn’t follow through. Yesterday he told me that I broke his heart two times, once when he found out and once when I didn’t do anything to mend his heart. He was expecting me to quit my job since he obviously had a problem with my coworker being aroung me. Also, I was on a 3 week trip and when I came back he expected me to quit my job since we moved far from my job but never did. He said that is when he got totally dissapointed at me and the small sexual desire he still had on me dissapeared. I told him is that was the problem we could work it out because that was recently. He said o.k but no to push him, that if out of the blue I start initiatig sex he would feel I’m being fake because that’s not the way I am. Anyhow, we went to bed and really wanted to make love and I told him what should I do if I really wanted to be with him, I was so nervous because I didn’t want him to feel akward but he was aroused too and we made love. He cuddled a little but then he stopped hugging me I feel so insecure now, I couldn’t sleep the entire night thinking I’m losing him.Please any advice, I’m open to ANYTHING to save this marriage, but feel so depressed because I know if I doesn’t work out i will proably need professional help to get out of the depression. PLEASE HELPPPP

How do I get out of the trap of being needy?

I think the main problem in my relationship is my wife’s lack of commitment. After all, who wants a marriage with someone who is indifferent to you? To the point where she had an emotional affair and expects that I shouldn’t even care.

But at the same time, I guess I’m kind of needy.

Now, I basically told her that if she’s going to be indifferent, she should just move out. That I can’t have that kind of relationship. She raised no objections. She says she’s leaving.

Of course, that’s not what I really want. What I want is for her to choose to stay. I don’t want to kick her out. I just want to start fixing the relationship. So what do I do? If I tell her I don’t want her to go, I’m back to being needy and making it worse. If she goes, I think it’s pretty much done.

I suppose I could tell her I want her to stick around and do the dishes and blow me and basically be an ass.

What do I do?

What do I do with my mother?

This is giong to be long, but please read! I need your help

My mum and I have always had a rough relationship although there were times that we’ve discussed things without resulting in arguments. The only time we have these talks are when we’re mutually agreeing on HER opinion. I am 21 and still live with my parents and brother. As a child, even though I was closer to dad (daddy’s little girl), I never loved my mum any less. I still treated her equally, but it seems as I grew older, my mum has this grudge against me that I was more ‘affectionate’ to my dad. I had a rough childhood – my dad had an affair (I was the one who found it out) but after years of battling, things finally worked out. I’m from an Indian background so divorce isn’t a first option and my parents chose to live together. My dad stopped everything, realised his mistakes and always put us (my brother and I) before anything. Things never seemed to fully patch up with my mum..and my mum blames me for this. My dad is a drinker, and she blames me for this. She says that I never bothered to fix the family and confront my dad about his habits. The thing is, I don’t want to spoil the already delicate ambience in the household. I don’t want my brother have to grow up with all the fights like I did. I believe that my mum and dad should sort out their problems by themselves without me interfering. I have done many things as a kid to stop my dad drinking, everything failed. I realised that it’s up to him to quit, I can only cry/beg so much. But I must admit, I don’t blame my dad for being so reliant on alcohol. My mum isnt easy to live with. She’s VERY VERY stubborn, sensitive, agitated, highly irritable, so picky and very insensitive to other’s people emotions not to mention manipulative of feelings. She picks on everyone and EVERYONE has to follow things her way. As the eldest child, she tell sme everything, but not in a confiding manner but accusatory tone. She tells me things and blames them all on me saying ‘it’s your fault, your attitude, how will you live with your husband when you get married? He won’t put up with your inability to do anything.’

I don’t know what to do. The thing is she’s educated, so it’ snot like she’s just narrow. She’s a strong woman but she uses this to her advantage, belittling others. My mother has tried to implant in my mind that my dad is very evil (I know he has habits that I hate, but stil he’s my father and never has he failed as a father. He’s provided me more emotional support than my own mother). Any thing I do, she relates to my dad. If i help my brother with his homework, she comes screaming in saying that I’m turning him against her, that I’m being bossy and that I was a failure and how can I possibly teach someone else.

It hurts a lot. It kills when every day you try your best to make your own mother smile, but she does nothing but frown at your presence. The thing is, no matter how angry I get, I can’t stop loving her. I am grateful for the house, the roof, the food she’s provided me. But still, these things all seem rather transient – as it is the mother-daughter relationship I yearn from her. I can’t sit and talk to her about anything (school, uni, friends, shopping, clothes, boys) NOTHING. She scorns if I take enjoyment out of things and if I have an opinion, she denigrates it. But if I dont have an opinion, she says that I need to have a backbone. I don’t know what to do. I’m fed up with this woman. I just don’t want her to turn my brother on me. He’s starting to change, becoming spoilt and showing me attitude – and if I tell him to calm down, she immediately lunges at me saying that I’m a B I T C H for picking on my brother.
I’m sick of life. It feels like I am in charge of fixing my parents marriage problems, my dad’s former infedility, my dad’s alcoholism, the financial things (which somehow she ties with my own supposed spending habits), my brother’s education, my mum’s mental instability. I’m terrified of marriage – especially if this is what the outcome is like How do I deal with this situation?

Why a Wife Cheating is So much Worse Than a Husband?

Now that My marriage is over, I would like to share a thought with my friends on Yahoo Answers.. Looking back over my 18 year marriage. And the ups and downs. I can tell you without a doubt, that even though most will believe that Men, and women cheating, is the same, It’s really not. During the first 5 years of my marriage, I cheated on my wife several times. I know I was wrong, and It will haunt me forever, but everytime I cheated. It was only sex. ( Protected ). Never a follow up, never a date, or anything beyond just a 1 night stand. It was a quick fix. And when It ended , it was over with.. I know many of my friends who have cheated, guy friends, and that’s usually how it works.. I know it can be hurtful for a woman to find out. But most of the time, when guys cheat on a girlfriend or wife. That’s all it is is Sex.

During the last years of my marriage, I found out my wife had 2 affairs. She never found out about mine. And the reason I found out about her’s. Was because she left a paper trail. Deleted text messages can be recovered, Deleted emails , forgetting to delete her Trash in her Email account. Creating secret email accounts. And the reason she did all this? Was because she was emotionally attached. The First affair she had, that I found out about, was back in 2003. I found out about it 1 year after it happened because she was continuing to communicate with him thru emails. Her second affair, which was much worse than the first, happened with a man , who was married.. I recovered Emails from a secret account she created.. In those emails, he promised my wife that one day he would leave , and be with my wife. They bashed their spouses ( ME + His wife ) talked about how great their sex was. This went on for 4 years, before I found out.. What Hurt me so bad, was not that she had an affair, but it was the emotional investiment she gave him. It was the Love and time she was giving to him. That’s what Hurt me the most. And at the end of their affair, he told my wife to leave him alone, and he would never leave his own wife.. So all along, he never had the intentions of actually leaving his wife. He just lead my wife on, and in the end, it was my wife who got hurt. In the end, he knew and had a clear mind about what he wanted, he just wanted a Side thing, and my wife got emotionally involved. He told her to leave him alone, even threaten to put a restraining order on her. Usually that’s how it works, between men and women.. Women cheat for the Emotional High, and men Cheat for the Rush / Thrill of it.

Thanks, Give me you’re input.

Why do women hate sex?

My wife and I have been together for 12 years. For the last 9 of those years she has hated sex. Not only does she hate sex, but her willingness to engage in sex has steadily declined over those 9 years. Here is the list of things I have tried and/or just do in general:

1. Counseling, 2 different counselors over a period of about 3 years (sometimes weekly, sometimes every other week). We still attend.

2. Being romantic over an extended period of time without ever asking for sex (i.e. buying her scented candles she likes, making her favorite meals, asking her out on dates like when we were just dating).

3. Being productive around the house without asking for anything and without being asked (cooking, cleaning, doing the laundry, etc.)

4. Being the primary parent to our children (I work days, she works nights. During the school year she comes home after the kids are off to school and leaves around dinnertime). I help the kids with their homework, I cook for them, I pick up after them. I get them ready for bed. All on a routine basis regardless of the situation between her and I.

5. I take care of my two teenage stepchildren from her previous marriage.

6. I try (although I am not the best at it) to repair things around the house as needed.

7. I do not go out with my friends. Period. I work and come home.

8. Previously she has claimed that she won’t have sex with me because I won’t cuddle with her to get her in the mood. I now cuddle with her when we sleep in bed together on Saturday and Sundays. Once she starts snoring I roll over and go to sleep.

Now, when we do have sex she treats it as it is something dirty and some sort of job she must undertake. She expects me to ejaculate in a towel so that she will not have to take a shower afterward. Sometimes it is so uneventful for me that I will not finish, and she does not feel obligated to help me finish. We do not engage in any foreplay by her choice. More recently she tells me she is in the mood and then after I get in the mood she decides she is no longer in the mood.

-Example- 3 weeks ago we ALMOST had sex. We went to our counselor, I said I had to go to work for a couple hours afterward because I had to finish some things up. She said that she then would go to work, but she would be home before I got home. I got home at 10pm. She got home at 2am. I was asleep as I have to get up for work at 7am.She woke me up by touching me. She then said I needed to listen to the voicemails she left me. As I listened to her 10 minutes of voicemails telling me how much she wants me when she gets home, she fixed herself something to eat and began watching a movie. When I got done listening she told me that I needed to cuddle with her to get her in the mood. Once she started snoring I said quietly “goodnight” then rolled over. She woke up and said she didn”t want to make me mad so she wanted to fool around. Then she hugged me and started crying about some problem my stepdaughter is having. As I comforted her she decided she needed a shower. When she got out she said goodnite and we went to sleep.

She consistently tells me how much she loves me and how wonderful I am. But she gets angry when I complain about our lack of alone time together and our lack of sex.

I have never cheated on her, but today I told her that I was going to seek out emotional support elsewhere. I have many female friends and they have all told me she is a waste of my time. But I still love her. I do not want to have an affair, and I don’t want to leave her, but I fear I have no other options at this point. Any advice?
I have gained some weight. I was about 175 pounds (5’11″) when we met, I am about 200 now. The first 2 years of our relationship were filled with sex. For the entire first year I think we did it every day at least once unless it was that time of the month. I was never as attentive to her then as I am now. Unfortunately, I have been blunt with her. I’ve told her straight out that the lack of sex is killing me. She often times will come back with “you won’t be happy unless I am on my back all the time”.

It’s been 6 weeks since we’ve had sex, she considers that “all the time” and I don’t. She wins.
To Answer some more of the questions:

1. After 9 years of rarely having sex do you honestly believe I stuck it out because I DON’T love her?

2. I’ve asked her why she doesn’t like sex. She thinks we’re having it plenty, she doesn’t believe she has a problem, she believes I have a problem.

3. I won’t cheat on her prior to telling her about it. Period. I will straight up tell her I am about to cheat on her if that’s what I decide to do.

3. She kicked me out of the house once because I got so depressed about our lack of intimacy that I started drinking too much. When I found out she was leaving the kids home alone I moved back in uninvited.
Additional Info: Our current counselor has told us that I am playing the role of the wife in the relationship. She has also told me privately that I am an extremely patient man and we have explored some things that have happened in my past to make me that patient. My wife will not see a counselor individually. Even after our counselor recommended it to her, she failed to show for the appointment. By all indications, she does not believe she has a problem. She sees me as the one with the problem.

What should and shouldn’t I say or do to help me fix my marriage?

I’ll try to make this as short as possible.

My husband and I were married a little over 2 years ago. I was almost 20, he was almost 21. Now we’re 22 and 23. We have the same religion. We don’t fight much, and if we do fight it’s not a super heated argument. We have no debt. We have no kids. No one has cheated or even came close. He just started school last fall.

Almost our entire marriage my husband as brought up divorce. Some of his reasons were:
-because we married too young and too fast (we were engaged after knowing each other 2 months), -because we “have nothing in common” (I disagree),
-because I didn’t try hard to drive our car that didn’t pass inspection and that doesn’t blow air so the windshield often fogs up and I cant see out of it, and it’s also a stick shift which I’m terrified of.
-because I didn’t try hard to get a job. ( I want to be a mom and I was hoping we’d accidentally get pregnant). A couple of months ago I DID get a good job right next to our rented apartment, but he said it’s too late and he couldn’t change the way he felt about me.
-he wants me to be more independent (I want to be more independent too, I just don’t want a dangerous car!)
-because he can’t talk to me like he can talk to his friends.
-because he’s scared to have a baby with me.

Now, he brings up divorce about every other month. A couple of weeks ago It was both of our days off. He played video games all day like he usually does, and I played on the internet all day like I usually do. I was bored, as I usually am. So I said “I’m bored, I’m tried of my life being just work and internet. Lets go do something.” Then he eventually quits his game, flops on the bed, and brings up divorce. This time he was serious. I decided that it was time to talk to our religious leader, hubby agreed. When we talked to our religious leader he asked us if we were both willing to make the marriage work, because if it was going to work we both need to be on board. I said yes, hubby said “im not sure, I don’t think so.” We talked to our religious leader again a few days later. My husband said that he thought more about the question and he decided that he for sure doesn’t want to try to make our marriage work. Our religious leader talked to him privately, and then he talked to my privately. He started out by saying “do you really want to be married to a man like that?” and he said he tried to get him to reconsider but he didn’t have much luck. He gave me suggestions (ask to read scriptures together, pray together, and talk for 15 minutes each night before we went to bed).
When we went home I stayed in the car and cried on the phone to my parents. When I went inside he was talking to his family on the phone and laughing, which hurt. Husband said he was sleeping at his friends house, said he was getting the papers the next day (which he did), told me which things were mine (which were worth a LOT less than “his things”). And then he left.

A couple of days later a bunch of people from church packed up all my stuff, and then my dad drove across two states to pick me up and take me home to live with my parents. We went in to sign papers together. I decided everything was happening too fast so I didn’t sign them. We didn’t even get any real help for our marriage. hubby said we both tried, but doing the same thing over and over is not trying. We didn’t even get any professional help. I decided not to sign the papers. While I was driving to my parents home he blocked me on Facebook (which I never tried to contact him on) and changed his relationship status to single.

I call him every other day, and text him often. He’s a brick wall now, I can hardly get any response out of him if he answers his phone, and if I do it’s one word answers.

He still loves me. He told me this throughout the whole ordeal. He once said he doesn’t love me the way he should love his wife. We even cuddled and kissed after he already decided what he was going to do, and he started some of those kisses. Even when I call him now if I say “I miss you” he’ll say “I miss you too”. If I say “I love you” he’ll say “I love you too”. I think I’ve got him at least thinking about our marriage, but he says he wants a few months and that he doesn’t want to rush back into marriage with me, a marriage he was unhappy in.

PS- he also has his own imperfections that I have supported him through.

Any suggestions? I think this is definitely fixable if he gets on board with this. I just want to know what I should and shouldn’t do and say to make the chances higher of this working out.

Why do people cheat when they are frustrated with their current marriage/relationship?

Do people not realize that running away from the problem and finding a new bigger problem isn’t going to solve anything??? Why not fix their marriage first or get a divorce?
bettercockster2- you said “getting a divorce is a quitter’s way out”. When a person makes the decision to cheat they have also decided to quit their marriage rather than working on it.
Just because they haven’t done it legally or on paper does not mean they haven’t quit.
You also said, “Lastly, just make sure your wife never finds out about it”. So basically what you are saying is, being unfaithful is ok because you don’t have enough ba**s to show the world that you actually did quit the marriage? Do you hear what you are saying?

how can i fix my marriage?

my husband is a great person with everyone (but me)he dont cheat, drink, do drugs or hit me and hes good 2 my kids but i cant do anything right, we r always arguing, he thinks he dont do anything wrong, everything is my fault, and when i try to tell him something is bothering me he wont listen, now i have told him i want out and i’m going home, but i really love hime

When do you know it’s time to throw in the tollow?

When in a marriage do you realize that the marriage has failed, and can not be fixed?
Cheating/adultry/abuse are all out of the question.
Also please do not put 1 sentance answers. Thank you.
I am not entirely sure what will happen when I don’t pick a best answer, but I can’t pick one persons answer over anothers. Your all right. And I thank you being adults about being killing the word towel. Spelling isn’t a high point when I hear my wife tell me she wants some time apart. I will consider all of your advice and deffinately try to keep my marriage alive.