Save My Marriage Today!

Questions About Save Marriage Tips Women

admin — Thu, 23 Feb 2012 06:00:06 +0000

James asks…

Why do I feel so low after my ex cheated and had a baby on me?

I’ve had the same boyfriend since I was 15. I’ll be 26 this saturday. My ex and I had finally decided we were “ready” for marriage and started planning everything from buying a home, relocating and what kind of wedding we’d have, to the names of the children we eventually wanted. Shortly after, I found out he cheated and got a girl from our h.s pregnant. Not only was she pregnant, she was 6 months pregnant with his 1st child, a baby girl.
We lived together and he knew the entire time and kept it from me. I found out on Facebook. I know what you’re thinking but I honestly had no clue. He works third shift on rotating days so when he went to cheat with her, I assumed he was at work. I am absolutely devastated. I always upheld myself for not having children until we were married but after 10years, him having a child by another woman that I know and share mutual friends with, has left me feeling every bit of less than a woman. I was VERY close to his family and vice versa. I also found out that his mother and a couple of his family members knew. So, after all the holidays I spent with them this year not one time did anyone so much as hint that anything was going on and they even went as far as to encourage our union and relocation. They ALL made a fool out of me wether it was their “place” to tell me or not. He was my bestfriend. My everything. We had red flags though. I wont act as though I’m completely blameless. I have cheated once and he has now cheated twice (that I KNOW of). We decided to work things out bc we were growing up and vowed to never do it again.
Once I found out, I knew it was over and depsite his persistent begging, two weeks later I moved out of state with relatives to start over and save whats left of my dignity. I can’t help but be miserable though. Every other day I’m in tears feeling bitter, used, stupid, unattractive and just plain low. I’m none of these. I will say I have taken the steps to move on, but will someone PLEEEAAASSEE help me find the positive in this situation AND myself, and give me some insight and tips on how to CONTINUE moving on in a HEALTHY way. Thanks, all comments are welcome.
Also his family friends who are now finding out what happened are communicating with me now more than ever. This makes it even harder bc I know I’ll never hold the place I thought I would and i feel like I my life and dreams were taken from me : (

admin answers:

That guy’s a huge, stupid, low class, idiot jerk. You’re well rid of him.

First off, you need to grieve the relationship. You’re entitled to be sad. He betrayed you, lied, was dishonest, deceitful, and is a cheater. The fact that his family was in on it too is the ultimate betrayal.

When you are finished grieving, you’ll be angry and with every right to be. For all the same reasons.

Once these are over, you can move on. How long it will take is up to you. You’ll move through the phases naturally and when you’re ready, you’ll feel good again.

Eventually you’ll be thankful you found out when you did. You can also be happy that if he’s cheated on you, being engaged and planning a wedding and being together for so long, that SHE will never be secure in that relationship because he’ll likely do it again. As soon as the pressure mounts, he’ll be looking elsewhere.

DO NOT take him back under any circumstances. He’s proven himself to be a total loser. You deserve WAY better than that.

Robert asks…

Naked dry sex and pregnancy. help?

Alright, first off, I KNOW it is possible to get pregnant like this, it only takes one sperm to fertilize an egg blah blah.

My girlfriend and I are saving sex for marriage, however, we have dry sex naked a lot, have for about a year now. My penis is always pointed up, and I never put the tip of it near the opening of the vagina.

Now, I know that pre cum can get a girl pregnant. BUT what are the ODDS of a very small amount of pre cum getting on the outside of the vagina area and finding its way up to get her pregnant. again, I know it’s possible, but are the odds high at all, should I even really worry? I know a lot of couples have a hard time getting pregnant even with having sex during ovulation and ejaculating inside the woman
Also, has anyone ever even heard of this happening? I have not, but if you have, I would like to know. Thanks the the answers!!
No we’re both in our twenties.

admin answers:

Oh for god sake, how do people not know this. Shes not or wont get pregnant by you doing this. You really are worrying over nothing

Ken asks…

How do you deal with a bipolar chemically imbalanced mother-in-law?

My fiancé and I are teen parents currently saving up enough money to get our own apartment. His parents are both crazy, I’ve never met anyone like them in my life. They don’t have a marriage and can’t even talk to each other without screaming. His dad acts like a violent 12 year old and his mom is just… weird. She’ll be nice one minute and phsycotic the next. She constantly tries to break him up with me for no reason that I can think of other than she just hates me for no reason. She sends me crazy text messages and they both leave these crazy voicemails on his cellphone. Did I mention she tries to have her neices invite their random girlfriends over in an effort to get my fiancé to cheat on me? Even though we have a year old baby girl and have been engaged for 9 months they won’t even let us sleep together. She knew we had been asleep the other night since 11pm and came in his room screaming at 3:30am and almost woke our baby. The other night she sat outside my house for an hour until 2am with the car on because she didn’t want my fiancé to stay the night. This is the same woman who will never give him a ride here because she claims to have no gas money. That’s just the tip of the iceberg… I don’t know how to deal with this weirdo. I never really say anything to her and try to stay away from her but it’s hard. Any advice?

admin answers:

That situation is totally unmanageable. Accelerate your savings strategy, and get out of there as soon as possible. Move far enough away to make it difficult for them to access you, or don’t tell them where you are going. Reach an agreement with your fiance that you should isolate your family from them, for your sake. Advise them to seek psychiatric help. Start documenting incidents of their psychotic breaks, particularly when it endangers the child, to use later as cause for a restraining order against them, if it becomes necessary. Never leave your child alone in their care. Get a deadbolt lock for your bedroom door. Tell them since you have a kid, the sex-before-marriage ship has sailed, to quit trying to police your sex life or they will never see their grandchild again. Jeez, what a circus.

Joseph asks…

i may being used as doormat by my in-laws 1 day the want me another day they want me to divorce my husband?

please help me sort this out, i had given applications in 2 NGO’s but nothing was done by them other than sending a letter and 2 calls to my in-laws i m being married since may 06, they are forcing me to divorce my husband on mutual consent as my sister in law & parents in law wants my husband to leave me, i lived with them from may 06 to jul 06 and from mar 08 to may 08, my husband was not satisfied by my cooking and he left me again, they had also forced me to abort my child in jul 06 and from hospital my parents got me discharged and took me to my parents house, from then til mar 08 i was in borivali and then went back forgiving all my in-laws and stayed with them in apr 08 me & my husband moved to chembur in rented flat and on 16th may 08 he said he doesn’t want me anymore as his parents doesn’t want me, i was left with 293 rs. in my salary a/c and left by my husband on streets of bandra and from that day onwards i m living with my parents till date. Please help me retain my marital status as now after may 08 i don’t want them to make me play on their finger tips and no can i let any other woman suffer like me, moreover my marriage was based on false commitments and lies, my husband is 11th std fail, he was/is also sexually involved with guys and gals as well, i want to put stop on it and lead a life with him by changing him, making him straight and also fight against unfair behaviour of my in-laws,i don’t want to do what they want me to do,i need them to get pschartic treatment and medical assistance and also if need be legal aid for myself to save my marriage, its now a challenge for myself to save my marriage and teach them a lesson that they can’t treat my marriage on their terms for money and their selfish motive.My sister in law rules my in laws and my husband. It’s wise to break free easily from this marriage but it will definately break me into pieces and i will never gain self confidence and may be do suicide, which i tried doing couple of times but was unsuccessful. I have 2 younger sisters now i have to think about them too and i m becoming older day by day i don’t want any complications on my preganacy. there is actually lot more to say and write. My parents in law are spreading 1001 rumours about me i need her to stop that and accept the truth of mentally, physically and economically harassing and torturing me.
thank you for your help

admin answers:

It is very hard for women in your culture – are you able to stay with your parents? He will not change so it is up to you if you want a repeat of what has happened so far. What is better, to be a divorcee or to be brutally treated by your husband and in laws? You have to decide. Your life is precious, there are many purposes you could put it to. Status is not all there is.

George asks…

25 and never had a GF is there hope. ?

I’m 25 and still a virgin, so ya it kinda sucks, and most of my Friends give me a hard time at some time or another. i just haven’t done it cause i haven’t met the right person. i haven’t dated much so that makes it hard. i hope when i do meet someone they don’t find it a turnoff and move on. its not that big of a deal to me I’m just kinda used to it. it will happen when the timing is right.

i am not saving my self for marriage.

I just want to losing my virginity to someone I am in a relationship with. That way you can keep getting sex (and practice) in the future.

any tips on getting a GF?

I do like this girl, but she hangs out at the person house that i only meet once . I went over there with a friend . I feel weird just going over there and hang out. It looks like i just going to have to go over there and take a risk.
I feel that i never find a GF , and will die alone, but i know i got to make it happen now cuz all the good woman will be gone.

I know that i am not ugly so i know that not it.

http://i54.photobucket.com/albums/g103/vdubs_photos/IM000098-2.jpg

admin answers:

Getting a gf is like fishing man. Have you ever been fishing? You don’t grab a hook and pile drive it into the water and scream “FISH I WANT YOU TO BITE THIS HOOK SO BAD SO DO IT”. It is a subtle art of sorts. You play it cool and entice the fish without actually making your intentions loud and clear.

I’m 26 and I’ve had some success with the ladies (I’m no master by any means but I’ve had about 4 long term relationships… My problem lies with keeping the girl not getting one).

Ok uh, here are some tips that I have generally found to work:
1. Get out there, do something where girls will be, join a ballroom dancing club even if you can’t dance. Join some kind of a club where women will be and they will see you in a non-threatening light.
2. Get to know the girl before you start coming on to her. Act non-threatening. Try your best not to show her that you’re interested in her but talk to her as you would a friend. She has to be comfortable around you.
3. Get some fashion sense. If you have any friends (preferably girls) that understand fashion then get them to take you out shopping within your budget. Most women love guys who are fashion conscious. The ol’ white T-shirt and jeans isn’t going to get you noticed… Well not in a good way anyway.
4. Keep your hygiene impeccable, make sure to style your hair (get help if you have no idea what you’re doing), shower every day and stay clean. Wear a small amount of cologne (don’t go overboard for God’s sake) that you know girls like, pick something safe. Chew gum or mints to make sure your breath doesn’t smell. Most women will tell you the fastest way to get on their ‘turn offs’ list is to have bad breath or just smell bad in general.
5. Have confidence. This one could be the biggest of all. Confidence does not mean cockiness (which most girls hate), it just means being sure of yourself and not like you’re going to go cry in a corner if she rejects you. Don’t ever ever ever ever talk about how you’ve never had a girlfriend, how you’re a virgin, or how you wish a girl would come into your life. NEVER play the pity card.
6. This kind of goes with #5 but don’t act like you’re all starry eyed when you’re with your prospective girl. You don’t want to make her think you’re putting her on a pedestal.
7. When the moment is right (and I can’t really tell you, you should just know) ask her to do something like go for a walk after your club meeting or something. Do it discretely without other people around and try not to make it awkward. If she ever gives you her number never call the same day unless you promised to.

That’s about all I got man. Good luck, and I hope things work out for you. These things have worked for me so far so I don’t mess with success you know?

Questions About Marriage Advice

admin — Wed, 22 Feb 2012 06:00:05 +0000

Linda asks…

Marriage Advice?

I just got married on Saturday May 5th to my wife Dawnn. I was wondering if anyone had some good advice to make this marriage last forever. Just some tips, or advice. We appreciate it. Thank You

admin answers:

You will start to notice things about your spouse that are frustrating. Don’t point them out (unless it’s something dangerous or damaging to your relationship). I found myself pointing out everything my husband did that annoyed me (rinse your dishes, pick up your socks, don’t leave the sponge in the sink, etc…) No, those are not good traits, but they aren’t things that we should fight over. And as much as I love him, there are a MILLION things that he does that are just annoying and inconsiderate. I could have spent all day pointing out things I wished he did differently. I came to the point where I spent more time being frustrated and pointing out his (minor) mistakes. Which in turn frustrated him. I finally had to realize that I needed to let those things go. Think about what you criticize your wife for. It will make a big difference. Another thing, as a man, never stop letting your wife know how amazing you think she is. I’m sure you don’t intend to do that, but after years, you become comfortable and it’s easy to forget that she wants you to think she is amazingly beautiful. Tell her all the time, write her notes every now and then, bring her flowers. Treat her the way you did when you were still trying to win her heart. You’ll never lose it. Congratulations on your marriage!!!

Maria asks…

marriage advice?

I need some advice!!! I’ve been married for 7 yrs. Got married later in life and married someone who was married twice before. I realize now, he doesn’t know what marriage is about. I am totally unhappy – he doesn’t communicate or connect with me. It is as if he just got married so he wouldn’t be alone and needs to be taken care of. I’ve tried 2 marriage counselors and many talks but I’m frustrated. I gave up a lot for this marriage and I feel completely empty and scared. Any good advice. I’m open to all answers.

admin answers:

Sounds like the marriage is over. If you have already tried counseling, and it did not help, move on with your life.

Its sad but sometimes there is nothing else left to do.

Robert asks…

Marriage advice?

I am getting married soon. What advice do you have for a happy marriage?

admin answers:

Always communicate with each other
Always be honest with each other
Always be faithful to each other
Always be supportive of each other
Always be respectful of each other
Always be affectionate with each other

Charles asks…

What is the best marriage advice you can give?

I like this one someone told me: Just touch his toes with your toes.

Meaning – When you are in bed together, reach over and touch his toes with your toes. You will start to feel so much love for this person laying beside you and gratitude for him being there. And this gratitude is what gets you through the hard parts, and to see the bigger picture without sweating the small stuff.

What is the best marriage advice someone told you?

admin answers:

Don’t expect your pre-marriage expectations to be a road map for the marriage itself. Two people getting married are like a huge mathematical equation where one spouse is on one side of the equal sign and the other spouse is on the opposite. Their goal is to get as close to equality as they can as they live through the years together, except that every number on both sides of the equation is a variable. Be patient. I can take years to work through issues, issue by issue. Sometimes it can get down to love being a decision rather than a feeling. Don’t ever give up.

Jenny asks…

What is the best marriage advice you ever got?

My boyfriend and I are talking about getting married and I want to do everything I can to build a strong, successful marriage. So what is some advice you have received?

admin answers:

Remember, marriage is not a child’s game, it’s forever. Marriage is a commitment. You will have pain and you will have joy. There will be a time that you won’t feel the butterflies in your stomach when you see him. There are a many things you need to remember. Love him even when he makes you angry. Respect him. After and during a fight hug him and tell him you love him. Communicate everything to him and do not hide anything. Work on your marriage, if it is going downhill, do something about it. Do not walk away during a fight. Marriage requires love, work, commitment, and truth. And remember, just because there is pain, does not mean you should just walk away. Good luck and God bless.

Questions About Fix A Marriage Trust Is

admin — Tue, 21 Feb 2012 06:00:15 +0000

Donna asks…

How to trust my husband again?

Advice is what I am looking for, just to give me some other perspectives on ways to feel and look at my marriage.
How can I trust him, when he has lied about several things that are very important in a marriage?
Surely there is someone who has lost trust in their own spouse and gained it back somehow?
I still love and care for my husband so much, but it is hard not to doubt him constantly, all of his past lies relating to the current situation, pop up in my head and I am so unsure if I should believe him.
They just won’t go away no matter how many months later, I really try not to look back, but I can’t help it.
I think the problem is that he has done some really messed up shit to me, that I would never think of doing to him, I treat him like a king.
IS there anyway to fix this trust issue? Please help

admin answers:

So your question is, “How can I stop believing reality, and instead live in fantasy?”

I think that’s an unrealistic goal. An achievable goal would be to accept reality. He is a liar who treats you badly. Your only hope, if you’re to stay with him, is to accept these facts, and love him for all the other reasons you’re still with him. “How can I trust a liar?” You can’t, and it’s senseless to try. Accept that he IS a liar.

Sandy asks…

I have so many doubts. Can you trust again?

My husband went through a hard time when a member of his family passed away and walked away from our marriage (out of the blue). He made it very clear that he was done with us and he wanted to move on, so I filed for divorce. A few months later we started talking again, did counseling, and decided to give it another chance. He swears he’ll never leave again and promises to work it out, but now I’m the one who’s having a hard time forgiving, letting it go, wondering if I can trust his word, or if I want to be with someone who would do that. We don’t have the bond anymore that we use to have because he just up and left one day. I really do love him and we have kids together, but I’m not sure it can ever go back to what it was. What do you think? Can it be fixed? Trust restored? Or do you walk away?

admin answers:

My husband and I have been there. But it was me who walked away and months later came back. I was the one who broke the marriage. And yes, he is having a hard time getting past the fact that I left, out of the blue. There were reason which we have since addressed. But the sheer shock of me leaving without saying a word and staying silent for months damaged him. He kept trying to find me, but I had planned it well where he couldn’t. But he did communicate on Facebook, and in it he kept telling me of his love, his commitment, his dedication to me. He finally won out. I came home.

But, every time we have even a small disagreement he will ask me, “Are you going to leave me? Will you be home when I get off work, or will you be gone?” It breaks my heart to see this insecurity that I caused. He literally in his heart thinks I will fly off again. I will never do that and have tried to assure him of this. But I really think it’s going to take time, and it’s going to have to take him coming home night after night and me still being there. It’s going to take a history of little trust deposits before he can relax.

I can’t tell you what to do. I just know what we have been through. It’s going to be tough for you. It’s going to be real tough. But keep adding the trust deposits to your trust bank account, and you will find that it fades over time.

Jenny asks…

How can i fix my marriage?

Hello all, im zak, i am currently a recovering alcoholic , ive spent my last three years one of which i wuz married living in drug abuse alcoholism and adultry, ive only been sober for 13 days n i c thing alot more clearly than i ever have….but with seeing clearly i have now realized i feel every emotion more clearly and the biggest is the pain the wretched horrible pain that i have broken such a sacred trust with my wife i have broken my vows set forth under the eyes of my Lord. i want to work it out with my spouse i have a 19 month old son whom i have have neglected to spend time with the furst year of his life due to my decision that drug and partying was more important…i love them so much n before i let myself get so numb to my feelings n now i feel n i feel horrible. i know that i cant make her forgive me i know My God cannot force her to do that, but im trying to show her i care n that i truly love her and that i want to make this work soo bad, so my question is …how can i prove to her i love her with out suffocating her how can i show her how much she means to me while giving her the necasary space she wants? so far ive been doin as many things as i can im getting help counceling and im taking it upon myself to help her with anything shes doin ive stepped up as a father weve only been split up for 3 weeks i know it still so early i know it could take years n years but i wont die happy nless i atleast try to prove n get her back til the day i die so plz if anyone can help me give me some ideas on how a husband shuld be im only 21 n shes only 20 im soo young i need guidance and ive turned closer to the Lord but id like advice im not asking im begging

admin answers:

First thing congratulations on getting help and being clean for the last 13 days and wanting to fix your marriage and be a good dad you are going to have your good days and then bad days you just have to remember why your doing this first for yourself and then for your family your going to need a support system in place to help you through your bad days and to remind you that your family is worth the effort and that your life is also you both have to get a therapist that specializes on drug abuse for the whole family and you will need one just for yourself there are groups that can help you both also. Your therapist can help find them close to you also talk to your pastor let him help you understand the teachings of our lord you both are so young but look at it like this you have your whole life ahead of you to make up for what you did to yourself and your marriage just know there is people who loves you and wants you to succeed kicking the habit and becoming a great husband and father,a son ,a brother you can do anything you want to just have faith and trust in your self. GOOD LUCK AND GOD BLESS!!!

William asks…

I need advise of what I can do to fix my Marriage?

I want to know how I can convince my husband to forgive me and to trust me?It all started a year ago. we were having problems because he was very possessive and aggressive so I decided to leave him. we separated and I moved away for security reason. Now he thinks that I live with another man, which is my landlord and he has lots of anger because in the time that we were not together I accomplished many things such as; finishing my career, new car, new me, and I have a good life. I realized that I want my family back together, but he served me at work with the divorce papers. I know he loves me but is angry at many things he refuses to speak to me. But I convinced him to give me a couple of minutes to speak to me. He told me that he is scared to speak to me because he has a soft heart. I honestly need to convince him to give us (him and I) an opportunity, but he has a big pride, and I know for sure that his family as brain washed him very much, specially because he lives with his mother, whom doesn’t like me. I told him that I want to prove to him how much I love him. But he answers “I love my Son he is the only one I love, You dont have to prove anything to me.” I’m so hurt at the way he talks to me. But in person he has another personality, and I know deep inside of him he wants to give me that opportunity but he is confused and has doubts. But I think that he is more worried about; What his family and friends will say, how much money he has spend in the lawyer, and his pride. What should I Do? He is not seeing anyone and neither am I but he has that doubt.

admin answers:

When you have the peer pressure of family telling you what you need to do regarding a partner there dislike, it hard to show your feelings and at the same time he won’t want the family members to fall out with him. Maybe he is his protecting his Son from all the hurt between you, if he won’t talk write a letter and explain the reasons of your actions a year ago. Why you had to do the things and get away and also let him know that there is no other men in your life. Have a long hard think of why you did these things in the first place? Has he really changed? It will be quite raw at the moment maybe you have time to change his mind I don’t know how long you have to reply to divorce papers try to prolong as long as you can you answer to it. Good luck

Susan asks…

cheated on? how long did it take to trust again? did you stay or leave? how long before the pain was gone?

For 6 months she booked hotels rooms, had sex in my house, everything you could think of. It’s been a week since I learned of it. She is committed to fixing it, feels horrible and remorseful, she’s been crying all the time. She cancelled facebook, quit her job where the other man worked, gave up all,cell phone and email passwords, scheduled counseling, keeps reading articles on fixing marriage and how to win back trust. She is sincere. We have a 1 year old. She worked overnight ok a mostly male field so temptation was always there. I was distant for a while right before the affair started. Not making excuses for her, she was all in the wrong. Who has been through this and left, or stayed. How long did it take for you to have some sort of peace of mind again? I constantly think of what they did. I flip flop between staying, leaving, and ending it all. Please tell me some stories or yourself. Please only answer if you can relate

admin answers:

Sorry, this is too traumatic an event to solve in a paragraph on the Internet.

Please reach out and talk to a counselor who focuses on sexual issues. You can find one at The Society for Advancement of Sexual Health.

The people they list are focused on sexuality.

Questions About Help Me Save My Marriage Kids

admin — Mon, 20 Feb 2012 06:00:04 +0000

Steven asks…

How do I save my marriage?

I’ve been married for 13 years, have two great kids and a marriage that is on the rocks. My wife, once again, is not happy with me. She keeps telling me how unhappy she is with the way I treat her. She says that I don’t appreciate anything she does. That I never say anything nice or kind to her and that I put her down any time we are in public. Yesterday was our 13th anniversary, we had already been fighting for a week due to me forgeting to tell the kids to clean thier rooms, she told me she believes that she made a mistake marring me. I appologized over and over, told her how much I love her and the kids but it didnt help. Now, I certainly have not been the perfect husband and know that I’m not as senstitive to her needs as I should be. But, I’ve NEVER cheated on her, even though see thinks I did 10 years ago. She accuseses me of being a “player” saying that I’m always flirting with other women. I dont go out drinking with the boys on any kind of regular bases. (Maybe 2/3 times a year). Even though I dont enjoy it, I still do more then my share around the house (although she doesnt think so). Any time we fight she brings up things that happened years ago. I dont believe that I’m nearly as bad as she says I am. Maybe I’m wrong. All I know is, I dont want our marriage to end, I dont want to leave my children. And I want her to be happy with me.

I dont know if it matters but, I’m 43, she’s 45 our kids are 12 and 9.

Any advice would be very appreciated.

admin answers:

PRAY PRAY PRAY and get counseling

Ken asks…

What How can I expalin to my wife to save my face and my marriage?

My wife lately acted so strange and wouldn’t talk to me. After a lot of pleadings, she finally said “see what is inside the computer and I ‘ll tell you why”. Since I have a lot of porno pictures of males in my pc that I forgot to delete, I definitely believe that she was angry because of this. I managed to tell her to put off the talk until I arrived from work tonight..Now that I am in the office I am thinking of any ways on how to explain to her about these photos so she wont have a hint that I am Bi. How could I react and what explanations that I could possibly tell her so she mgiht as well love me and save my m,arriage…please anybody help me!!….I am so sacared…….I love my wife and kids…..

admin answers:

You said it yourself, you are Bi. So don’t listen to anyone telling you that it is crazy or a sin. You have a very hard obstacle to cross, and, unfortunately, it came before you were prepared. You see, at some point, you really should have gone and had an honest talk with your wife about your sexuality. What she does with that and how she reacts is her prerogative. You must live true to yourself. That is the only way to live. Now, you’ve been shoved to that place where you must speak. So speak. Tell the truth. Bear the anger because you lied, but do not be ashamed of who you are. Apologize to her. Tell her that you’ve been confused, that you’ve been trying to fight it because you do not want to lose her or your children. Tell her that you have been too weak to resist the porn on the internet, though. Answer any questions she asks. If you don’t know the answers, say so. Say that you’d seek help, along with her if she is willing, to find the best resolution for your family.
I hope you can at least stay friends. You will always be a father.
You won’t believe the relief once you start living out your true self.
Under the circumstances, apologizing and living true to yourself is also a good example for your children. You never know, one of them may be gay. Think how sad it is that some kids must kill themselves because they are rejected for their sexuality.

Daniel asks…

How can I expalin to my wife to save my face and my marriage?

admin answers:

Do your wife and children a favor and leave them. File for divorce and send monthly child support. You don’t want your children learning your filthy behavior. So do it for the kids and the wife and leave them. Your wife deserves better and so do your children !i

Charles asks…

I want to save my marriage but it seems so complicated.?

My wife and I separated a year and a half ago during a very rough period in our lives (financially), after eight years of marriage. We have two kids together and haven’t divorced yet. After about a year we started dating other people; we really could not see eye to eye and i was almost sure she hated me. I must also mention that i could not stomach seeing my children around her choice of new “friends”. ? Yes, they hang out with our kids..
Just a couple of weeks ago I finally came to accept my share of the fault and mistakes in our marriage. I have realized that we turned down help and advice from friends and family and I now regret very much that we did not give it a chance. Since we have gotten over our tension towards each other, we’ve discussed the possibility starting over. I feel that I do not love her anymore even though I care about her very much that I am willing to truly give it a second chance, she tells me that she feels the same way about me. The other reason is that we just miss our kids and having a family too much, even though we have shared custody 50/50. I fear that we are feeling this way because we hate being alone and if things do not work out, of course our kids are going to be disappointed and affected emotionally. Where do we start, should we start dating again? seek counseling? or are we setting ourselves up for failure?
Has anyone had a similar experience?

admin answers:

My husband and I are in a great marriage class. The book that the class is centered around is called, “His Needs Her Needs: Building an Affair Proof Marriage” by Dr. Harley. The book is wonderful! It tells you how to get that love back that you had when you first got married and how to stay happily married and fix any problems you have. Love is a choice and you can learn to love her again. If you start investing time into her you’ll start to love her again. You have to do it the right way though. This book shares how to do that. I think it would definitely help you guys out! If you want to take the class on it here’s the website. Http://www.familydynamics.net/dynamicmarriage_map.php Then click on “find a class in your area”. I think this class will be life changing! I think for the sake of the kids you guys should read the book and make up your minds to make the marriage work. Marriage is a choice. Do you want to do regular tune ups like you would a car or do you want not to do anything and get a divorce (or blow up your engine if it was a car). Marriages aren’t easy and they don’t get better on their own. It takes determination not to sleep in separate beds, throw wedding rings at each other or whatever… I wish you the best! Oh and a marriage counselor might be nice b/c it would allow you guys to have a safe place to talk things out so each of you is heard and the counselor can offer great advice.

Nancy asks…

How do I help my husband who is depressed and ready to leave our 16yr marriage?

He describes all the classic symptoms. emptiness, lonelyness feeling like a shell. He feels he has to leave to save himself from dying. We have 3 kids. We have had problems in the past but he would never agree to go to couseling. How do I help him and save our marriage? I feel he is about to make an irrational decision and leave. My kids would be emotionally destroyed if he does. I would appreciate any feedback. Thankyou

admin answers:

Well this is something that I am sure you are freaking out about I know I would, Communicate with him, try to understand, what is going on with him? Is it his job? Is it his upbringing? What all is going on? This can all lead to depression, and yes that causes many irraticnal decisions. Tell him straight out how you feel, but please don’t start pushing him too much, ask him to consider seeing a doctor about his feelings, or maybe a pastor? I feel for you and maybe you can take a look around this site I list below they are pretty good folks most of the time, and the site is run by a doctor… I will keep you in my thoughts and hope for the best

Questions About Save Marriage From Divorce Video

admin — Sun, 19 Feb 2012 06:00:03 +0000

Mandy asks…

Egyptian/Muslim Marriages & The 40% Divorce Rate. How Do We Reverse The Effect Of Today’s Societies Issues?

With young Muslim Men and Women being bombarded with images and dramas playing out unrealistic, superficial ideas of relationships? How safe is the institution of Marriage in Egypt and the rest of the Muslim world.
Current research suggest that the divorce rate amongst newly weds in Egypt and allot of the Muslim world is about 40%.
This can directly be linked to the following: Modernisation, Mobilisation, Globalisation. The key influence is the ‘all seeing eye’ that has been placed in every believers home to gaze into the eyes of this new generation of would be Married Couples. With the undeniable influence of the TV and Internet over our thoughts, behaviours and pre-calculated opinions, which are feed into the next generation, what chance do we have for survival.
Our cultures clash so heavily with our beliefs, which clash with the world as it stands today. Having such an alarming rate of divorce, can only tell us that we headed for a very gloomy future, if something is not done now to reverse the effects of the perfect storm that is brewing.
With images on TV showing Men spouting poetry or being constantly sweet and charming, going on white horse rides on the beach, doing shopping everyday, and doing nothing else but focusing on Love 24 hours a day. Our princesses, are faced with a most astonishing awakening, when she finds that her Husband will have to work, pay bills, think about a budget and how to make ends meet while ensuring that he is constantly meeting the standards set by the performing artist on the TV in movies and music videos. He will of course have to performs like a porn stud at moment’s notice after fighting traffic to pickup milk and bread on the way home from the office, where he was working (sounds like superman to me).
The young Men are also in for a shock, thinking that their virgin wives will actually want to give up their freedom while they are off at work. To stay at home, not go out with her friends like when she was in college.
The interested parties are never confronted with the realities of Married life until it actually happens. This means that our expectations of married life are based on the fabrications that are being subliminally being fed into the next generation via the same media (cable tv, internet, magazines, etc) that we invest so much money on to maintain.
In a society where we have contradictions like a stay home wife, with readymade meals, microwaves, a house maid, and fast food, that should wait for her tiered husband to return home from work ready to begin another round of romantic gestures. How long can we expect the concept of Marriage to stand-up?
What on earth does the young woman have to do?
She is not a woman of old who will cook and clean, instead she to become a polished, educated trophy for the Man. Albeit a Man that has no idea about this unrealistic aspiration that is bound to cause him hair lost, considerable expense, and a potential heart attack.
In actuality, we are destroying the beauty and blessing of Virtuous Queens by expecting our Women to stay home and wait for her King. The only thing that she will have to do is watch the Soaps and Music Videos which (given enough time) will place in her mind an unrealistic state of expectations for her life of Marriage (Essentially placing her in a delicate mental state – temporary insanity), leaving her with nothing more to do than compare her life to what appears to be something perfect. And finally asking her Husband to – Finish it!!!.
And of course, the Mother and Father in law, who cannot relate to this modern day of the internet, cable TV, traffic, the effects of globalisation and the pressures that face a young couple in this modern time, will only see their child unhappy and believe the partner is to blame. The parents, brothers and sisters are all too happy to intervene (as shown on TV), believing that they are saving their child from abuse of some sort, not realising that they are mostly to blame for not switching off the TV while their child was growing up. Their child effectively is an educated ‘blind mouse’, with no wisdom.
Modern day women have been grown to be achievers and leaving these educated Princesses up against the TV, Images Of Unlimited Wealth, and Prince Charming who never has money trouble, is always well groomed, and expecting them to sit and wait is not only unrealistic, but also bound to end in disaster.
Marriage has been at the corner stone of previous successful societies. In Islam Marriage forms half a Mans Religion. If almost half of Marriages only last a few weeks in the Muslim World, are we setting up ourselves for a world where women save themselves for their husband, then divorce in order to have the type of life that she was protected from prior to being married?
How Do We Reverse The Effect of this poison challis called Modernisation, Mobilisation, Globalisation and their effects on our blessed institution of Marriage?

admin answers:

That is way too long this early in the morning

we are screwed
heading into chaos
at this point
what can be done
too many are sleeping and not listening or seeing
protect yourself and try to awaken others
but most are going to have to learn the hard way
rich elite own the media around the world
they use it to make promiscuity cool
so families get broken down
and one world government and communism can take over with no fight

Robert asks…

When will the British people Wake up and save thier families?

You brits are losing your family unit ….WAKE UP

wATCH THIS VIDEO….

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X9GkUMnkD…

And they continue to do it today but in a new way called destroying the Family unit.

Does the family unit has any meaning anymore? For god sakes im not even british and I am getting the royal shaft from your queens idiotic law
i am a US citizen. My ex wife is British citizen. I have two children. Several years ago, my ex wife’s father passed away in the UK, and SHE WENT TO THE UK to mourn her father’s death. She went back with my children with a return plane ticket for her and my children. My ex-wife stayed in the UK for over a year, and I thought she would come back to the USA. She did not and instead filed for divorce in the UK and got remarried. Her plan was to leave me for her boyfriend back in the UK when her father passed away because our marriage was an arranged marriage. I went through the USA children’s affair and got legal representative . My ex wife would battle me with everything and she would do everything to prevent me from seeing my children. Las summer, the judge said there may be a possibility that the children can come to the United States to only visit, but my ex wife was adament against that. She got a cascaff involved in the case. The official UK male bashing organization against men. After battle the UK courts for 5 years, the UK judge rendered an order stating that I can never see my children again and I can not speak with them over the phone. He also said I can not appeal this decision. The basis of this decision is that the mother has manipulated my children to tell a UK CAFCASS social worker that they never want to see me again, and the judge complied with this. My son is 10 years old and my daughter is 7 years old. My ex wife married a fundamental muslim who is brainwashing my children, the UK courts just relinquished my of all human fundalmental rights as a father, and I feel my country the United States has betrayed me and has not done enough.

I pleas need help and I am in immense grieving pain. I feel as though the UK courts told me to think of my children as being dead because they wont let me call my children.

I never did anything to hurt my children and prior to this I had visited them several times through a court order and I was extra gentle and kind with my children , so this social report is fabricated with lies and deceit.

I m going to post this everyday until someone can help me…Ive called the media, an attorney, the district attorney’s office, and left a message with my congress man. I am not giving up and I hope maybe someone reading this will give me good advice to get my children back

TO ALL WOMEN THAT HATE MEN OR SOMEHOW RELATE THIS STORY TO WHAT EVER EVENTS THAT HAPPEN IN YOUR LIFE THAT PROMPTS YOU TO LEAVE VERY HURTFUL AND NEGATIVE POSTS….I WANT TO REMIND YOU THAT MY INTENTIONS ARE NEVER TO TAKE AWAY MY CHILDREN FROM THEIR MOTHER..MY INTENTIONS HAVE ALWAYS BEEN TO HAVE A RELATIONSHIP WITH MY CHILDREN..I STILL STAND BY THIS… BUT THE EX WIFE DOES NOT WANT ME TO BE IN MY CHILDREN’S LIFE AND WILL LIE AND DECIET ABOUT EVERYTHING…SHE IS TELLING MY CHILDREN THAT I AM NOT THE FATHER AND HER NEW HUSBAND IS THE FATHER….I JUST WANT MY CHILDREN TO KNOW THEIR EXTENDED FAMILY ON MY SIDE OF THE FAMILY…MY CHILDREN ARE THE ONLY GRANDCHILDREN TO MY PARENTS AND MY FATHER IS LOSING HIS SIGHT AND I JUST WANT HIS TO SEE HIS GRANDCHILDREN BEFORE HE LOSES HIS SIGHT…

admin answers:

Oh, my! I wish I could help you.
Good luck

P.S. The link doesn’t work.

Lizzie asks…

My husband wants to have sex during separation?

The past couple of weeks have been a roller coaster as my husband and I have tried to decide what to do about our marriage, and we have finally settled upon a separation. I have offered divorce, but he said that’s not what he wants. Also, this will NOT be a legal separation, I am just moving out for the duration. And, we have an 8 month old daughter as well.

From what he says, this separation is about him finding himself and working on himself and his issues and learning who he is outside of a relationship since he has not had much of a single life.

During our separation he says he wants to be able to do whatever he wants including clubbing, going to parties, playing video games all day, etc. When I asked him to promise me that he would not sleep with other women, he said he couldn’t do that. He said the separation isn’t about him wanting to sleep with other women but that if it happens at a party or something, then it happens.

I find this to be completely unacceptable and am SO hurt beyond words that he would even think that is okay. We are still married, right? I thought the point of a separation was to work on your marriage or even be alone and figure things out. I feel like if he wants to be with other women, then we should get a divorce.

Am I wrong? Has anyone else been through this? Should I continue with the separation and allow this to save our marriage? I just want what’s best for our relationship, our family, and our daughter.

admin answers:

I’m a guy, so this is a male perspective. I don’t know how old you two are, but it sounds like to me your husband is not really grown up yet. The birth of your daughter further added to his responsibilities, apart from being married, and he doesn’t sound ready for it.

I am also of the opinion that separation is not a good way to try to mend a marriage. A marriage is a bond between two people, and once you break that bond, even through physical distance, you are creating a gap.

As you can see from what he says, he wants to separate to work on him, his needs, his desires, his terms. Notice the key word there? His, as in I’m selfish, and I don’t want to work on us. Heck, he’s had his whole life to work on him, now he either man’s up and works on his family, or it isn’t going to work.

Get back together, take it slow, spend more time communicating with each other, and figure out where you both want to go. I’m sorry to say it, but I don’t think he wants the same path you do. Life is complicated, but you are a strong, intelligent young lady who has made a choice. Work hard to make that choice work, but if it doesn’t, remember this, it takes two to make a marriage work.

Mary asks…

Saying yes to a proposal?

My husband filed for divorce but he has moving on living with someone. I have not been moving on as my believe in marriage and family and i have not cheated him not even once. I have a friend that i am closed to for the past 6 months. He has been great with my son and he has the same believe in faith as i am. We go to church every now and then and he lives not far from me. He is extremely good looking, good heart, kind, patient, caring ,responsible and homely type of guy. I went to meet his mum and his mum is great with me and with my son. So, my question is, he proposed me last night and we are going to church this morning, he feels that i dont deserve to be treated this way by my husband and he thinks my husband is childish and a liar. I am still trying to save my marriage as my strong values in family and marriage. My son deserve to have a good father and I don’t believe raising my child by a single mum. Should i marry this guy? We haven;t had sex or anything, as he believe’s to have sex after married. He has also never been married and he is 39 and i am 36 and if i marry this guy, this would be my 2nd marriage. The thing is, I still feel that my marriage can be save, but i know my husband has a girlfriend and if i want to put him in trouble as he is in the military i can. This guy friend of mine have the photo’s, video‘s and recorded vice on my husband communications. I am still doomed and i am praying hard what to do.
I am very serious in this answer yahoo, please help! I do not want any sarcastic comment or anything like that. My son is still a baby and will only be a year old next month. I believe in my faith and divorce is not something that god like and he cries and hated divorce. I need a real answer since my husband is no longer seems to be part of my son life. I don’t believe in raising a child without parents. I once believe that my husband believes in faith and god, but i realized that if he is, he won;t be doing such thing to me and our baby . family and marriage and priority when two decides to get married and once you have a child, it is a big commitment. I don’t really believe in love anymore but I believe that if you have faith, you believe in god, then love will come later. I also do not want to be living in a sins and have a boyfriend or something. I have to go marriage course and so is he, as we plan to get married in church and do the right thing in life. What should i do?

admin answers:

Whooo! Hoo! Congrats honey you found one of the good ones.. He goes to church with ya’ll and wants to marry you and he hadn’t even been in the sack with you.. Wow.. Are you sure he’s real? Haha.. But really it sounds like he’s one of the good boys for sure… Do you think you’ve known him long enough though, he must have been on your trail for awhile if he’s already asking you the big question? Even so, I would jump on that chance in a hurry! Leave that ole man of yours behind and don’t look back,since he’s the one who started it, get this guy while you can.

Steven asks…

My husband has been out of work forever? Should I leave him?

We have a 9 month old and I’m 23 weeks pregnant.

He has been out of work and he has been looking(he’s a welder which have been hit very hard here in canada”, but now our EI benefits have run out. I cannot work as I’m in Canada and my paperwork was denied and am now in the country illegally just trying to keep my family together. After this month we won’t even have money for food.

I feel as if my marriage is falling apart. All we do is fight. I am miserable. He doesn’t work, just plays video games all day. He hardly spends any time at all with me or our child. I do 99% of the cleaning 90% of the cooking, and 85% of taking care of baby. He won’t come to bed with me at night, but stays up late and sleeps in. I’m so exhausted all the time and I get so angry, why can’t I sleep in? I can’t hardly even take a nap, unless the baby takes a good one.

He only comes to bed when he wants to get lucky. And now he’s angry because I don’t want to have sex with him any more because I feel used and abused. The only time I feel love for him is when he holds me, and that’s next to never.

If I leave him, I would be going back to the states to be with my family, and this creates a problem as he would never be able to see his children. I don’t want to break up our family. I don’t want to be divorced, but I’m so tired of trying to save this marriage for nothing. I talk to him, but it only starts a fight, and then things only change for a day or two and with much complaining from him. In my mind I’m constantly thinking I deserve a better husband and my children deserve a father who will make time for them. But, then again, maybe my children just need a father.

I need advice. I don’t know what to do. After all, it could just be my pregnancyhormoness? It could just be the stress from being out of work.

admin answers:

You should try and talk to him. At one time you both loved eachother enough to have a child together. I am sure the reason why he is behaving this way is cause he is under a lot of stress and does not know how to cope with it. He probably feels like he is not providing and believe me, as a man, this can be very painful and there are probably some pride issues. If you set up the conversation in such a way that it is not argumentative and combative he may be able to just talk to you. Get a baby sitter and just go somewhere to talk. My wife and I have two children, one being under a year, and when we have an argument we go somewhere else to have our “discussion” because children, no matter the age, pick up on the tension. After the talk you two have I would suggest counselling for the relationship and career counselling for him. There are professionals that can help get people jobs.

One other thing, to get a job and to keep the family together you may have to move. This could be hard but it may be neccessary. If he is unwilling to talk and does not want to do anything to save the relationship and family then you may have to move and take the kids. Don’t beat yourself up about it. Just do whatever is best for you and the little one. I hope this helps.

————————————————- Wallace

Questions About How To Fix Your Marriage

admin — Sat, 18 Feb 2012 06:00:04 +0000

Donna asks…

How can you fix your marriage when I’m sorry just isn’t enough?

It all started when we went to a welcome back party for my husband at his parents house. I had a headache so I took what I thought was tylenol, and it ended up being E. I was talking with my father in law, and one thing led to another, and we ended up going into another room, and having sex. While we were in the middle of it my husband walked in and caught us. He was so furious that he just left. So this was about a month ago, and my husband is still mad, and not talking to me. To make matters worse I just found out that I’m pregnant. I doubt that the baby belongs to my husband since we have not had sex in about 7 months because he just got back from a tour of duty in Iraq before this happened. I just don’t know how to handle this situation. Can someone please help me? I’ve told him several times that I was sorry, and that it would never happen again, but he is still mad about it. I’m hoping that we can get passed this because I am still very much in love with him. I just don’t know how to get that through to him. I’m sure that since I’m pregnant that it will even complicate things worse. I just don’t know what else I can do to try to get him to forgive. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Please don’t just answer to rub in how badly I messed up. I know I made a mistake, but everyone does sometimes so I don’t want how bad of a situation that I’m in pointed out to me. I know that things are very complicated. You really could not even imagine how complicated things are. I really regret what happened. Unfortunately, no one can change what has happened. I would really like for me, and my husband to be able to get past this. I am still very much in love with my husband. I sense that he still loves me to, but this is really tough for him. I wish there was a way to turn back time, but there isn’t. All I can do is try to mend the pieces of my life back together. Again, any advice or help would be greatly appreciated. -Cindy

admin answers:

Question posted 2 years ago

Jenny asks…

What if you try and fix your marriage, and along the way you decide you don’t want to fix it anymore?

I used to like my wife but she wouldn’t have sex with me. I’ve tried everything and nothing works. Along the way, I’ve seen her responses to my concerns, and I’m totally turned off by it. In fact, I am now seeing her in a new light, and it’s not pretty. Now I see her as cold and mean, unfriendly and selfish. If she finally got on board with my sex concerns, now i’m not so sure I’d want to anymore. Now I’m thiniking I should just get a divorce, because if she was such a butthead during these conversations, how could I trust her for anything in the future? She’s just going to be a crappy friend.

admin answers:

We all go through ups and downs in life. Not just marriage. I was a miserable person for 3 years. I worked at a job I didn’t like. I took it out on myself and those closest to me. Thank God my husband didn’t divorce me when I was in my funk or have judgments toward me and hold it against me and assume I might be that way in the future. I finally left and found a job I love. I learned something very valuable during the procress. Never stay at a job you don’t like. Never take your family for granted. Love every day no matter what. You only get one chance at your life so make it great. You’ve made up your mind that your wife will continue to be a B and you will not love her or want to be around her. Why did you marry her if you didn’t know her very well? You both made a pledge to love one another through better or worse. The easy way out is divorce. You should be very open about how you feel right now about her attitude etc. If she truly doesn’t care then maybe you should go your separate ways. I just pray you don’t have children in this mess.

Helen asks…

marriage just doesnt seem to be working how do i fix it?

ive been married for 9 months my husband is a military man. who i love dearly.. we fight alot.. i had to leave for a month because thngs got pretty bad so i went home to my family. i came back and things seemed to be gettin better. but then i noticed he is distant and doesnt really do half the stuff he used to. if he is home he is working on his car. or playing on a video game. My son is his stepson altho he treats him as if his own because his dad isnt around. i love being with him but i feel my marriage is on the path to failure. being an army wife is hard but i dont mind it. i dont work so he expects me to cook and clean. its really hard when we dont have money or alot of food. i want this to work i just dont know how … we also dont get alot of me and him time because we have a child and no one to watch him for us. we are a young couple. i really would like soooome good positive advice on how you may of fixed your marriage please

admin answers:

My niece is married to a marine and has a 1 yr old child. She is also a stay at home mom. She has told me that if both husband and wife stick to a budget and work together it is not difficult to live on a military paycheck as the only household income. She also went through a stage when she was not getting to spend much time with her husband (he play video games and hangs with his buddies). They came up with a routine where they take their son for an evening walk each night after dinner. This gives them all time together and then she puts the baby down to bed early so she and her hubby get a few hours together alone at night. He hangs with his buddies on his days off and play video games when she is busy with something else.

Keep in mind that all men are different and your hubby has to want to make this work. If he doesn’t right now all i can suggest is that you make it extra special for him to be home and around you and eventually he will look forward to spending time with you and will make it a priority.

Ken asks…

Why in the marriage section ppl never talk about ?

How wonderful things are in their marriage, it’s always divorce questions? Instead of thinking about divorce why not get advice on how to help or fix your marriage? Not that I condon cheating, that I understand or physical abue, or drugs, you get the point.

admin answers:

Many come here with their problems seeking others opinions. But you will also read about many who say how much they love being married and adore their husband or wife. As with the media, it is usually the negative that you hear more about.

Paul asks…

Have you gone to marriage counseling?

I wanted to know if yall went to marriage counseling and if helped out and fixed your marriage? i am going to go with my husband and i hope and pray things change. how did it work out for you?

admin answers:

My husband and I went to counseling once after I had an affair 3 weeks ago. It has helped a lot, just being able to talk to someone about why the affair happened and what we should expect to happen in the future. We went to our pastor at church for counseling. The affair was a one time thing. I let myself get away from church and God and I got in the wrong place. My marriage is much stronger than it ever was before the affair. The counseling definitley helped. Figuring out the problems and why the problems are happening is a good thing to make your marriage last. Good luck to you.

Questions About Marriage Tips Bride

admin — Fri, 17 Feb 2012 06:00:06 +0000

Sandy asks…

My sister is getting married in Playa del Carmen (Riviera Maya, Mexico) on the beach 2/09. Any ideas?

Links to sites for casual dresses (for bride, matron of honor [me], jr. bride‘s maid [her daughter] and flower girl), ideas for decor, favors, tips, etc…appreciated. It will be a very small and casual beach ceremony. It is the 2nd marriage for both bride and groom, so we’re not looking for white, but rather soft pastels/beach tones. Thanks! She’s a busy single mom and I’m just trying to help with the leg-work!

admin answers:

For dresses and some other things, go to www.allyouneedtowear.com. They specialize in beach wedding dresses and some other favors. As far as decor, some people go with a Hawaiian/Beachy theme.

Lisa asks…

How do I prepare for a kiss tomorrow?

I’m 13 and I’m getting “married” tomorrow. Its not a real marriage its just pretend for fun(:
Our “wedding” is tomorrow (after lunch) and I wanna be prepared for when my friend sydney (the “priest”) says “you may now kiss the bride”
So any tips? (:
I really like him so I wanna be prepared

Thanks (:

admin answers:

Dont worry it comes natural… That kid must be lucky as hell lmao

David asks…

Any tips on a wedding speach?

Need ideas on a best man wedding speech. I want to incorporate poker into this speech (using poker terms to compare to marriage, comparinge poker hands to the bride/grooms life, etc).

admin answers:

I was maid of honor at my best friends wedding two weeks ago… The best man gave a great speech that likened life to the board game of life, with the taxes, and the cars and all that…. And then added that clearly pete (the groom) was winning because he got allison to love him and agree to marry him.

Whatever you say i would urge you to be funny, not make it TOO long, and make it from the heart. Tell them how hapy you are for their union and that they found someone to complete them, and thn throw in a joke here or there. Don’t get too drunk… It makes things bad.

William asks…

Funny Wedding Guest Interview Questions, Ideas?

I am going to go around during my brothers wedding and interview all the guests and ask them questions or if they have tips for the bride and groom. I want to make this funny, so I am looking for some hilarious questions, actions… etc… to make it not so blah! Any ideas? I also thought about going out to the streets and asking random people. I just want random funny questions to ask. They dont have to all be related to marriage, but some would be nice.

If this works, I think this could turn out very funny! Thanks everyone.

admin answers:

What celebrity do you think there kids would look like?
What name should they name there first kid?
Since there are so many wild names out there now, pick a name that would match the couples personality.

I hope it works out for you. Sounds like a great idea. Good Luck and have fun with it.

Mary asks…

marriage and panic attacks.?

I am getting married in two weeks and am really happy cuz I love my fiance.But as the wedding date is getting near i am starting to have panic and anxiety attacks.Has any other bride-to-be experienced this? Is it normal ? Any helpful tips?

admin answers:

I sooo know what you are experiencing! What you need to do now, as much as is possible is let others finalise things for the wedding. You need to relax yourself.

Panic attacks are very frightening. But remember it cannot harm you, try to relax through the panic attack in the way that I’ll outline below. You see if your mind and body are properly relaxed then it is impossible to panic.

Buy a good relaxation tape and every day go and lie down where you will not be disturbed put the tape on and concentrate on all your body parts. Start at your toes, make sure each one is very relaxed and limp. Move on like this till you get to your head.

When you have completely relaxed all your body lie there quietly for as long as you need always concentrating on your body parts reminding them to relax.

To get a sense of what tension and relaxation is, try making a fist as hard as you can hold it for 10 seconds and notice the feeling.
Then let your hand completely relax and notice the difference.

Take time out for yourself to do things you enjoy but don’t require much stress.

Panic attacks before a wedding are normal…I know it doesn’t happen to everyone but it is normal.

You say you’re really happy about the wedding and that’s a part of the anxiety….something so good is going to happen to you and it’s going to be an eventful day that you have planned for….now it’s coming….you can’t quite take it in!

Try writing down what getting married means to you, what the wedding day means to you and also write down your expectations of the day and of your marriage. Write down the good and the things that may be not so good. Be honest.

The reason I say this is because your mind and body are showing symptoms BECAUSE you haven’t deep down been able to fully absorb this huge event that is before you.

Have a wonderful day!

Questions About How To Fix A Marriage Separation

admin — Thu, 16 Feb 2012 06:00:05 +0000

Paul asks…

How do you deal with the pain of separation and probable divorce?

How do you deal with the pain?
I’ve been married for 14 years and madly in love with my wife. We have 2 beautiful children and I thought we had a pretty good marriage. I’ve never cheated, have always tried to be a good husband and father, and have worked long hard hours to try to improve our lives. Then one day in February, out of the blue, in a drunken rage, she tells me that she is not in love with me anymore, hasn’t been in years, wants a separation, wants out of the marriage. I quit my second job, lost 30 lbs, and spent every possible minute with my family and tried to figure out how to fix what was broken. My efforts since February have not only not worked, but seem to have driven her farther away. Last night, on a date, she told me that a divorce is inevitable and I completely lost my mind and packed up and left. She will only tell me that she needs space to find herself and it looks like we are separating. I have never experienced pain like this. My question is, how do you
deal with this pain? How do you go on daily? What would make me feel better? Is there anything that helped you in a similar situation?

admin answers:

Hello….If you are serious, and you are willing to truly listen, then you can be helped through this, otherwise…just skip this advice.
You will encounter many words of advice from people for the next while, and you are about to find out that virtually nothing will help stop the pain and confusion you are going to go through.
I don’t know you or the details of your circumstances, but it caught my attention and I care.
The world is a vicious love, whom we all must lose,and
I will tell this; “You Will Get Through This Trial”…Many before you have..and many after you will.
You may ask how I know you will get through it?….and I will tell you….”You will get through this…because you have No Choice!”
Let me re-itterate…You will get through this…because you have no choice!
Listen to what every other person has and will continue to tell you…Time will heal your pain.
Also, remember think of the very advice that you yourself have or will give to friends in this same circumstance..even your own advice will not stop the pain. You will go through this…because you have no choice!
I can offer no advice on how to “save” your marriage, and nor should I.
Because of hidden reasons in her heart she has decided to leave you. Consequently, you may think you have a solution to this when in reality, you may have never know the problem to begin with. Sometimes they want no solution, sadly.
Sometimes they just want out. This is as frustrating and painfully simple as it gets. They just want change..and our souls burn.
The best advice I can give is this..” If you love this person..truly love her…then you would want her to be happy…do you understand? Her happiness above all things…is your ultimate goal. As hard as it is to do, you must find a way to envision that, by freeing her, you are displaying the highest form of love a person can….letting go of the very one you love.
It is likely the most pain a man will go through in a lifetime, and I wish you the best with this temporary experience….
In time you will be happy again….I give you my word.

Linda asks…

How do I regain my wifes trust and get her back?

my wife and I were married for almost 5 yrs. i was talking to an ex as friends only. i told her about it. my ex sent me love letters. i hated it but hid them to throw them out cause she was in the room. i forgot to throw them out later. i did tell my ex we could never be but i liked talking to her as a friend. she has left me and wont see me. she says she needs time to think about it. i want to work things out but how can i do that while not seeing her. she wants me to sign separation property agreement. she left me with very very little. i want to make it work. she means the world to me. what do i do? I dont want it to end. she doesnt know how long it may be before she knows. how can i show her i want to make it up to her and fix our marriage?

admin answers:

Simple, stop communicating with your ex and think about why you started talking to her in the first place. When you get your answer, that is what was lacking in your marriage.

Nancy asks…

Anyone regret separating from spouse?

I am considering separating from my spouse. Has anyone done this and regretted it? Has anyone done this and it helped to fix their marriage? How long should I leave him for as a trial separation? Is this likely to change him if he has not responded to anything else and refuses counselling?

We have been married for 3 years and have a 2 year old son.

Also, where did you go when you separated, or did the other person leave? Where did they go? Should the person who will be taking care of the kid(s) automatically get to stay in the home? Can I legally force him to leave? I know he won’t leave voluntarily.
I don’t have anywhere to go for any longer than a couple of days. I’ve considered getting a job as a live-in nanny. I’ve had a few offers. I was thinking of leaving for 4-6 months.

I’m not very optimistic that it will work out but I don’t want to be an ass and refuse to work on it if he changes his mind and decides to try.

He has refused any form of counselling.

I DO NOT want to show up on my mom’s doorstep with suitcases. For one, it’s just down the street from where we live and he would just show up there to harass me. for two, when i got married, she told me that someday i might end up like that. It’s pride, but I don’t want to prove her right. I want to be independant.

admin answers:

Everyone is different, but I am in your situation off and on…so I’ll give you my take on things:

If you aren’t strong enough to stay gone for at least a month, don’t bother. And if you aren’t ready to say it’s over if he doesn’t change, don’t bother. Your decision really hinges on what point of “the end” you are at. You could leave and he could say good riddens. Are you ready for that? You could leave and he could be better long enough to get you back and then go back to his same old jerk ways. Then what? Are you going to leave again? Start a pattern? Some days, the only thing that gets me through is saying to myself, “One of these days, I’ll be out of school and working and I can leave his sorry ass!” So with that point in mind: Do you have a job? Are you prepared to be a single mother?

Personally, I think whoever has primary care should stay in the home, and yes, you can call the police and they can make him leave. Just keep your son in mind…I’m sure you don’t want him witnessing the police escorting his daddy away.

If he won’t leave and you aren’t willing to call the police, are you prepared to move out with your son? Do you have some where to go?

These are the things you should be asking yourself. If it’s just petty things, I wouldn’t suggest it….I would suggest communicating first. If your husband is just a first-rate ass and you are at the end of your rope and no longer want to try and he’s not going to try, and you guys just don’t get along, maybe you should separate. But think everything through, first. You don’t want to be living out of suitcases at your mother’s house sleeping with your fussy toddler because they don’t have a crib….TRUST ME.

Jenny asks…

this is what he wants for marital separation…THERE IS NO HOPE IS THERE?

this is what he wants for our marital separation. 1-8 are what experts say are guides to marital separation.

1. Communicate expectations and set ground rules.

^^ he wants total separation basically. i feel i can call him in the event of an emergency, otherwise, it’s awkward. sometimes he even accuses me of making up emergencies to spend time with him. he told me he will not come home and will continue to live at his friends house for an indefinate amount of time. he doesn’t want a time limit. he will call whenever and stop by whenever to see the baby. for his caller ID on the cell he changed it from “my love” to my first name…ouch…that really hurt to. he said he doesnt want to divorce right now and that he is not cheating.

2. Set an agreed upon time line for temporary marriage separation and frequency of communication. Make sure that both parties agree to interact and commit to working on the cause of the marriage problems and possible solutions to expedite the healing process.

he doesn’t want a time line for how long we will be separated. he doesnt want to commit to any type of communication schedule. he wants to call me whenever. he doesnt want me to call him him. he practically keeps tracks of the hours he spends with me and how many times i have called. as far as interacting…he wants it to be when he wants to interact. in his eyes the cause of the marriage problems are all my fault. the solution is for me to change and i am supposed to prove this to him that i wont irritate him or make him mad or he wont come home.

3. Establish a balanced visitation schedule for the children that doesn’t alienate them from one parent or another.

he doesnt want to commit to a visitation schedule. he wants a key to our home to come and go as he pleases.

4. Continue parenting as a team. It will be very difficult for a child to understand that the marriage separation will only be temporary. Maintaining a positive outlook and attitude will help ease the pain and confusion for the children.

there is no team parenting, i will be doing it all. he will be more like a guest who can take off when it gets tough. right now, he definately doesnt want to live together any time in the near future. i dont know how to have a positive outlook with this.

5. Use the time apart to work on your behaviors that contributed to the marriage problems. Examine what your needs and expectations were in the beginning and how they’ve changed as the marriage progressed.

i am seeing a counselor. he is going out to the bars and clubs every night with his friends. my needs and expectations are not recognized. every time i try to talk about what i need, he gets defensive, angry, shuts down communication, wont talk to me for days to weeks and says that i always “change the plans.” he feels the need to be single. to do what he wants, when he wants. he wants me waiting for him.

6. Make a concerted effort to learn and listen without being defensive. Focus on working together to find solutions rather than fixing blame.

every time i try to talk to him about the marriage he shuts down. he blames me.

7. If the emotional separation becomes overwhelming, seek out professional counseling to help overcome from the pain, anger and other overarching emotions that will make it far more difficult to communicate effectively.

i am seeing a counselor to figure out what to do. he wont go with me.

8. Concentrate on changing your own behavior. Take consistent actions to demonstrate love for each other.

i am working on my behavior. i’m failing at showing him i love him. in his eyes i feel, the way to show him love is to stay away from him.

admin answers:

No, there is no hope for any woman to be able to tolerate a condemning, controlling man like that. Do not allow him to keep a key to your home. Don’t bother trying to call or contract him. See a counselor if you feel the need, but see a divorce lawyer, too. This guy is unbelievable and you need to move on to a new and different life without him.

Ruth asks…

It is possible to win my child custody?

I sign a separation agreement in which I gave my husband full custody of my child. We are separated for 4 months I sign because I felt guilty he discover I cheat and I told him I was sorry he told me that the agreement could be changed and that was not really very important. I sign because I thought that with the time we would fix our marriage but now I find out that he is dating with another woman with children and he doesn’t want to fix our marriage. I can’t accept the idea of getting divorce and not be able to see my child one day. I love my child to death my huge mistake was cheat on my husband I recognize that I even understand his behavior but I can’t take the fact that when the divorce come true I won’t be able to see my son everyday as I have been doing until now plus. I feel like he took advantage of my guilt when I sign that paper he use to tell me that it was not a permanent agreement and that was not really very important. i was dumb that I didn’t even go to see a lawyer to get advice and i sign without ever read the papers very well at that time I was not in my brain. The only thing I was thinking is that how much i hurt him and that i was a bad person. What can I do to break this agreement.

admin answers:

Get an attorney and go for joint custody. An Attorney will be able to help you. You will not be able to do anything on your own.

Questions About How To Save A Marriage After Affair

admin — Wed, 15 Feb 2012 06:00:11 +0000

Donald asks…

Is there anyone out there who has successfully rebuilt a marriage after an affair?

(Serious answers only please~not in the mood for jokes or smart behinds!)
Ok……so i screwed up…….had several cell phone conversations with a male co-worker-no physical relationship…phone conversations have been going on for about 2 months…..i am “flirty” anyway (drives my husband crazy) ……..so is the male co-worker……….my husband found the cell bill and now is tracking my every move and phone call………i have had no further contact with the co-worker……..and am no longer working at the employer………i want to rebuild our trust…..and save our marriage….i can’t imagine my life without my husband……is there anyone out there who has been succesful at rebuilding after such incidents? is it possible? and how did you do it? and how can i change my personality so that it is not mispercieved by men? Thanks in advance for the help! May God Bless you!

admin answers:

You will be okay. I kinda had the same situation. I was so pissed off at my husband and I had male friends from school. I started talking to them more than my hubby because they made me laugh. Of course he got jealous and thought something more was going on. All you have to do is let him know that you understan how he feels. You are a woman and we think defferently then men. Something very innocent to us could be very disrespectful to them. I don’t have any male friends that I talk to anymore unless hubby also knows them. It takes a while. Just make sure he knows everyday that he is the only man in your life and you won’t let anyone come between them ever again. Keep your promise. Men are complicated sometimes.

Your personality is almost impossible to change. You are who you are. Maybe you can change the way you react when other men approach you. Most of the time, if your friendly, they think they have a small chance to “get to know you better”. Don’t give out your number to men anymore. I am going through the same thing…Everything will be okay. Reassure him how much you love and respect him and it will never happen again.

Or you can tell him to go to hell…your choice….

Carol asks…

would you be willing to try save your marriage after finding out your hubby has had an affiar?

ok so i was seeing a married man we were sleeping with each other for near enough a year and a half
it ended over a year ago now last time i saw him was over a yaer ago however
iv recently message him via the facebook website
just to ask how things were going and if he was ok
was just a polite message b ut the next day to messageing him id been out with friends and got very DRUNK…
therefore i messaged him once again telling him i missed not seeing him
i later got a message saying sorry do i no you inplieing hed had no other messages i know its his wife messageing me back he wouldt put such a thing so now his wife knows of his little secret but shes is not away that we were seeing each other for over a year

theres probably hell on within thier house hold at the moment
i really shouldnt of messaged him should i
i wish id of let well alone i was wrong of me i know!!
but do u thing they will work through it could you try save your marriage after finding out his been haveing an affair??
or will this be the end……
i think they have been married over ten years now
so i really dont no what the future holds for them both now?

could you forgive??

admin answers:

I think you’ve done enough. Go away and do nothing more. What they say and do and forgive and don’t is now their business. If he tells her the truth or makes up something is his choice. What she believes is her choice. Go away- let them try to have a life. Find someone who is not attached and can really be yours. EVEN if they did divorce and EVEN if he got back with you- could you ever really trust him? He has priors. Move on and do no more damage to his life, his wife’s life, or your own life.

Chris asks…

Is it realistic to continue to work on my 15 yr marriage after my husbands 2.5yr affair that he hasn’t ended?

How long is reasonable to stay strong for the sake of our kids and 15yr history together?

So I confronted my husband with proof of his indiscretion over 2yrs ago. The thing is he moved out and continued his affair with this OW.

My husband and I have been together almost 20yrs with 3kids, beautiful home, money saved for our future and I still have hope. He has cut off all intimacy with me but, remains very active in our kids life. He has let me down although he has maintained being a active father. So I was thinking since he loves our kids so much he wouldn’t want to give up being in their life full time.

admin answers:

Well, gee. That’s too bad. Too bad you feel as though you need to sacrifice yourself, your self-esteem and your happiness for a facade. He’s having all the fun and intimacy with another woman, he moved out on YOU and the kids, and you’re wondering if you should work on something that can’t be fixed.

No, darling. NO! You deserve better than a no-good, husband-leavin’, cheatin’ bastard that left you to take care of everything in his absence.

Get out of this marriage, now! You deserve your dignity, your self-worth, and some happiness after what he’s done to you. Why work on something that he obviously has no intention of working on? He left you! He’s broken his vow to you and continues with your knowledge to be with someone else. Why are you punishing yourself for his indiscretions??

You deserve so much more, and you know it. Now it’s time to take off the blinders and do something about it!

William asks…

Where can I get some free legal advice re divorce?

I’m trying to save my marriage after my husband had an affair, not sure how things will turn out. Hoping for the best. But in case not- where can I get some legal advice about divorce in California? I have some money, he has none, and since he is at fault here I am not happy with idea of having to give him half of my money too if he leaves. I’ve heard in California everything just gets split no matter who is at fault. Any data,links, advice are greatly appreciated! Can’t afford a lawyer right now…

admin answers:

Forget hiding money, all that stuff is tracked. Google your County Family Law Center. I just finialized my divorce in California, January 16, 2010. Cost me about $4,500 for my part, don’t know what the ex-wife spent. We were supposed to do it ourselves, but I received the divorce summons unexpectedly.

My lawyer charged me $300 per hour, the Senior Paralegal was $190 per hour. They bill you for every minute of their time, including when the other lawyer argues with them. They write excessive letters to bill you for them and my wife’s lawyer was so obvious, even I could see he was intentionally screwing things up to stir up trouble and billing revenue. I began scanning his letters to my own lawer and sending them to my ex-wife. She began to see he was stirring the pot and she got things moving along pretty good after I began that.

Everything in California is no-fault divorce, everything is straight forward and the rules are not bent. Try your County Family Law Center, as the divorce business is so huge, they have moved it all to special building centers away from the superior courts.

Donna asks…

How do you rebuild marriage after 10 years of affairs and complications?

Just to clarify the situation regarding “How to renew sex life with an unfaithful wife”. We are working on Tirust, talking & sex. We have 2 kids (3 & 6 years), she feels that I shutdown & shut her out (which I thnk is true due to denial about accepting a family history of severe depression). My inactivity has also caused money issues. I have made mistakes & made her feel unloved. That’s my burden to accept & get through. I feel it drove her out. HOWEVER, I do not take full responsibility for what she did. She made a choice & NEVER use condoms. STD tests were clean.There were conversations that ended unresolved. Her affairs was never one of them. If the kids were not a factor in this my decision would be simpler. We attempted counseling but decided we needed to be certain we both (really her) wanted to be in the marriage or wanted to try again. I would do anything to keep my kids from this pain, they are my soul. And I do still love her. Am I foolish for wanting to save my family?

admin answers:

You cant

Questions About Tips To Save A Marriage

admin — Tue, 14 Feb 2012 06:00:06 +0000

Ruth asks…

how to lessen pain when losing virginity?

im 20 almost 21 years old and im going to be losing my virginity to my boyfriend soon. any tips on how to lessen the pain? btw i am not saving myself for marriage! if a guy isn’t saving himself for me why should i save myself for him

admin answers:

The first time can be painful when the hymen breaks upon penetration. There can also be some blood from spotting to actual bleeding. Not all girls bleed and not all have pain. I never bled but there was a lot of pain. There doesn’t have to be blood or pain, but due to the fact that most guys don’t know what they are doing and girls ‘give in’ to sex to please their partner instead of waiting until they are really ready and aroused, pain happens even if blood doesn’t.

The hymen is the thin membrane that sometimes covers the opening to the vagina if you’re a virgin. Even if you haven’t had sex, the hymen can do a bit of a disappearing act due to an overzealous workout at the gym, horseback riding, tampons, and even passionate “heavy petting” with your boyfriend. (It’s not an impenetrable barrier, anyway, as it has holes to allow menstrual blood to escape.)

The vagina is a muscular tube. For some, the first few times might make you feel sore, as the vagina has been an unused muscle or even hurt if you aren’t properly lubricated, or if the guy is in a hurry, doesn’t arouse you and your body isn’t ready.

Relaxing, foreplay, (oral sex, touching, kissing, etc) being fully aroused or better yet, you having an orgasm FIRST or using a lubricant like KY-Jelly or Astro-Glide can help.

Daniel asks…

My husband and I can’t save money?

It’s been 5 years of marriage and nothing to show. These days people are saving thousands a month. My friend saved 80 thousand in 6 years. When he told that to me it was like a slap in the face. If at one time we have an extra 3-4 hundred he sends it to his family overseas. So sometimes it makes me say to myself why hide money if it goes to his family? My husband is waiting for tax return just because he can go overseas with the money. He makes 550 a week, yeah not a lot but is there any type of trick of hiding money. We don’t spend money on stupid stuff. So I’m just wondering does any one have tips? Also when I try to hide $50 here or there he ends up asking me where did I do with that money? So I’m just done with this no emergency money

admin answers:

Hey Mia, im going to be a finance major at UConn. My advice to you would be to consult your husband about this, this sounds corny but hear me out. When my parents had financial issues, I made them write down how much money my father would bring in for the week, as you have stated, it is 550. So approximately 2200 a month, which means 26400 a year. My parents wrote down the necessities each month, such as groceries, bills, gas, mortage and so on. Rounding that cost per week and subtracting that from the monthly salary. ($2,200) from that money, I suggest that either 1) a second job is taken into consideration. 2) try to cut back on electricity, gas, or anything than can be retained. Commuting to work, making sure all electricity is off when not in use. Don’t use your heater as much. A thing that I suggested to my mother was so obvious, yet it seemed to slip her mind. Eat in. Eating out will always cost you more money, and nothing is better than a home cooked meal. Its simple things that can save you money. I know that I am only going to be a freshman, however, living in a house nearly the equivalent of your financial struggle, success can still be made in your household. I hope I helped you.

Mandy asks…

Sex for the first time?

I’m a virgin and think I’m ready to have sex. My boyfriend and I have been an official ‘couple’ for 6 months, although I’ve known him for 8 years since both of our families are friends. He has been in my life since I was 8 years old and I don’t think I know anyone better than him. I do love him and can believe him when he says he loves me, and we are both ready to share our first time with each other.

However, I’m very nervous and scared. I fear God’s opinion most of all, much more so than the opinions of my family, friends, and peers. I always planned on saving myself for marriage; but everything within me is telling me I’m ready. What can I expect for my first time? We are definitely using protection, and I want to get on birth control pills, but I’m not sure if I’d be able to obtain them without a parent.

And no; I’m afraid I don’t feel comfortable asking my mother for birth control pills just yet. She probably won’t abide anyway, and I would rather be safe than sorry; but she doesn’t view the pill the same way as I do.

So what should I expect? Any tips for my first time? Would I be able to get birth control under the age of 18? Thank you!

admin answers:

Honey, if you’re ready for sex, you’re ready for sex. Despite what you may hear (I’ll probably catch hell for saying this), there’s nothing wrong with having sex before marriage. Just be sure that you’re 100% without a doubt that you’re ready and be positive that it’s with someone you do truly care about. It sounds like this is something you’ve put some careful thought into and that’s important; you know to use protection You should be able to get the birth control through a free clinic. Or, if you’re feeling a tad daring, you could always talk to your mother about it and use the other advantages of the pills in your argument lol You could say you want them to get rid of painful period cramping, for example (it’s true; the pills are wonderful for that!). They also help your complexion- you’ll have clearer skin. As for First Time advice, I suggest using some kind of lubricant and (honestly) don’t expect it to be all that great. You’ll both get better as time goes by lol Expect it to hurt a bit and you may be a little sore after, but it’s not the worst pain you’ve ever felt or will feel Hope this (though long) advice helps! Feel free to contact me if you’d like with any other questions!

Maria asks…

How do I get my girlfriend to become more intimate?

I have been dating this girl for about 2 years on and off. The most recent relationship has been almost 9 months. Its pretty sad that I can recall the amount of times we had made out throughout or relationship. That would be twice btw. She is an amazing girl and wife material and absolutely gorgeous. I am her first boyfriend and I can understand that maybe she is a little nervous to do stuff but my god! You would think that eventually something would come along. Its so hard for me to stay loyal to her and stay with her because I am in college and its not easy turning down girls that are throwing themselves at me because I have a gf that doesn’t do s**t!! I don’t want to break up with her over this because then it’ll look like I’m a pig and piss her family off. She’s not saving herself for marriage and I’m not doing anything to prevent this from happening. She is very nervous and just cant bring herself to do anything! Why…I don’t know. She cant even bring herself to make-out because she said she’s not good at it! Our relationship has come to a standstill and this is something that I don’t know how much more I can deal with. Usually I help other people with this stuff and for once I am stumped. Any tips or advice would be great.
The problem is that I did all of that Jay.

admin answers:

Wow.. This is a tough situation for both of you. I can understand you being a bit frustrated, but it’s good you’ve stayed with her and obviously care about her

Are you guys pretty open with each other and talk a lot? Because a frank conversation about how you both feel can go a long way to making you both feel more comfortable about doing things together. I’m a bit shy myself, and I find it much easier talking about stuff like that when my boyfriend is really open and makes it 100% clear that he won’t judge me on anything I say. If she still doesn’t want to talk about in person, maybe try talking online – that way she has time to think about her response and doesn’t have you looking at her waiting expectantly for an answer.

Also, compliments will go a long way – kiss her and say how great it was. It sounds like she doesn’t have very high self esteem and compliments from you will go a long way to make her feel better about herself and more comfortable letting herself go around you.

Don’t expect her to make the first move because it sounds like she’s too shy to. But talk to her and let her know how you feel and then listen to what she has to say Good luck

EDIT: Oh, you say that you did all of that?.. Hmm, so I guess you also assured her that she is good at making out? It’s a hard situtation when she so so nervous, even about making out, and usually I’d suggest give her time.. But you have done that.

I guess all you can do is assure her that you love her and care about her but you would like her to be a little more affectionate. Assure her you won’t pressure into anything she doesn’t want but also let her know what you said here: “Our relationship has come to a standstill”.

Are you a person who always likes holding hands out in public? Are you both usually pretty affectionate – hugging, kissing? Because I guess she needs to get used to having physical contact. Even just small things like brushing the hair out of her eyes or touching her shoulder as you walk past..

Not sure what else I can suggest because it sounds like you’re doing all the right things

Paul asks…

My first time for my birthday?

I am a 19 year old virgin and find nothing wrong with it, but im not “saving it for marriage” or anything just never found a girl that i thought i would like to share that moment with. All of my girl friends have been virgins as well up until my latest who has only been with a guy once before, and i thought a virgin/virgin relation would be a little too much inexperience all around to be a good deal. My current GF has already said that she wants to give me my first time on my birthday later today.
Now to my question. I like the idea of this a present but i don’t want her to feel like she is ONLY giving. Without being to graphic, does anyone have tips on how i can make sure she is ‘taken care of’ as well?

On my profile it says i was born on like the 25th, it was actually the 31st, not sure whats up with that and dont care to fix it anytime soon.

admin answers:

Take it slow and don’t rush!
Don’t forget foreplay!